Ride
by starrysky7
Summary: We're all running from something in our pasts. But when our skeletons come out of the closet we can either run away or face our past. And now Valerie will have to make that choice. Sequel to Treacherous.
1. Chapter 1

**This is the sequel to Treacherous. I really hope you like it. If you haven't read Treacherous you should probably read it beforehand because this story would make a lot more sense.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything other than my OCs, everything belongs to its rightful owners.**

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_I've been out on that open road_

_You can be my full time daddy,_

_White and gold_

_Singing blues has been getting old_

_You can be my full time baby,_

_Hot or cold_

_Don't break me down_

_I've been travelin' too long_

_I've been trying too hard_

_With one pretty song_

_I hear the birds on the summer breeze,_

_I drive fast, I am alone in the night_

_Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble,_

_but I, I've got a war in my mind_

_So, I just ride, just ride,_

_I just ride, just ride_

_Ride by Lana Del Rey_

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**Chapter One**

_June 24th, 2007_

It had been three years since I left Tacoma. I had moved in with my cousin, finished my teaching degree and got a job. I had grown up while I was away. I wasn't a kid anymore.

"Why do you have to go?" Asked Natasha, "I'll miss you, so will dad"

I stopped packing for a second and sat down on the bed next to my fourteen year old stepdaughter. I pushed a strand of light brown hair behind her ear, tears were streaming out of her dark brown eyes down her pale cheeks.

"I'll miss you too" I said, "But I have to go. I promise to call and I'll visit. You'll see me again"

I remember making the same promise to Lee and Lana, and I hadn't seen them since Christmas dinner two years ago.

_(Christmas 2005)_

_Lana has invited me to Christmas dinner, I was reluctant to go but she begged for me to come. I was prepared to see Kozik and Happy again. I just hoped that they had come to terms with me leaving. Kozik had. Happy hadn't._

_"You haven't talked to me all night" I said, walking up to Happy who was leaning against the side of the house, a cigarette in his hands_

_"You gonna apologize for leaving?" He asked, putting out the cigarette, "Because if you ain't, I'm not interested"_

_"I'm sorry that I hurt you" I told him_

_"But you ain't sorry you left" he said, taking a step towards me_

_"I had to spend some time away from here" I said, moving towards him, "I did miss you, Hap"_

_In one swift movement Happy had me up against the side of the house, hands on my hips keeping me there, he was so close I could feel his breath on my cheek._

_"Don't tell me you missed me if you ain't coming back" he growled, "You coming back?"_

_I turned my head and looked him dead in the eye before answering, "No"_

_Happy's grip on me tightened, his jaw hardened as did his eyes, "Then get away from me" he said pushing me away_

_"Hap" I tried to say_

_"Leave" he yelled, his eyes had a crazy look in them_

(Present Day)

I knew that I had hurt Happy but it was only then that I realized how much. I had left him and he felt betrayed. Just like Natasha would when I broke my promise.

"Why can't you stay?" She asked

"Your dad and I are getting a divorce" I said, "I can't live here anymore"

I had met Michael a year and a half ago. It was my first job at a Middle School and his daughter was in my class. Not long after I met him we were dating. And not long after we started dating we got married.

The marriage had only lasted a year. I was only twenty two years old, I wasn't ready to be some hotshot lawyer's wife. Or the mother of a teenage girl. The family had grown on me, I honestly did love Natasha. But the marriage was doomed from the start.

"Where are you going?" She asked

"Tacoma" I told her, "I'm going home"

* * *

The drive was short and I arrived at the garage in no time. I stepped out of the car, the place looked the same as it had since the last time I'd been here.

"Valerie"

I turned to see Ava bounding towards me, she flung her arms around me and pulled me into a hug which I returned.

"I missed you" she said letting go of me, "How have you been?"

"Good, not much going on" I lied, but she didn't need to know everything that had been happening in my life, "Is that a ring I see?"

"Yeah, he asked me yesterday" she said, "I was going to call you but I don't have your number"

"It's fine" I said as I looked down at her ring, it was modest but still beautiful. It reminded me of my failed marriage, and how if I had stayed that I might have been married by now, "Let's go see everyone"

I followed behind Ava as she walked towards the clubhouse. I looked over to see some sweet butts whispering, no doubt gossiping about me. I wasn't going to let it get to me. I was going to hold my head high.

Holding my head high became difficult as soon as I walked into the clubhouse. Everyone's eyes were on me.

"Valerie" said Bowie, breaking the awkward silence as he pulled me into a hug, "Missed you"

"Missed you too" I said, smiling at him, maybe this wouldn't be so bad

It really wasn't so bad. Everyone had welcomed me back with open arms. Everyone except for two people.

Kozik had been courteous and polite, welcomed me back with a smile but the hurt was clear on his face. Seeing his broken hearted expression nearly broke my own heart, but it was Happy's reaction was what tore me apart.

"Hey Happy" I said, I tried to be confident but my voice was shaky

"Hey, kid" he said, not looking at me, "Welcome back"

"How have you been?" I asked

"I've got beer and pussy to enjoy" he said taking a step away from me

"Okay" I said, any shred of confidence I might have had at the beggining was gone, replaced by feelings of hurt and rejection, "It's nice seeing you again"

"You too" he said, walking past me without sparing me another glance.

I looked around the room to see Lana's watching me with a sympathetic look, she nodded towards the door before getting up and walking outside. I soon followed her out, sitting beside her on one of the benches.

"It tore him up, you leaving" she said, "Hap's always scary but he was even more so after you left. I'm surprised he's still here"

"It was really that bad?"

"Yeah, I thought he was going to get himself killed" said Lana, putting her arm around me, "He missed you, would never say so but he did"

"What am I going to do?" I asked

"Wipe up your tears and head back in there, show him that you're still the girl he loved" she said getting up

"But I'm not" I said getting up, "I've changed"

"Than show him the new you" she said, "Just be the confident, kick-ass bitch I raised you to be"

I would try to. I didn't know what it achieve but I knew that I wasn't going to be a sniveling mess. I was going to be the confident, kick-ass bitch I was raised to be.

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_'A girl should be two things: who and what she wants' Coco Chanel_

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**So this is the sequel, I hoped you liked it and please review to tell me what you think. Even if you didn't like it please tell me, I love feedback. The next chapter you'll find out more about what happened during the three years and Valerie will have to deal with the blowback of her absence and her return.**


	2. Chapter 2- Home

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, I love to hear from my readers. Please review this chapter and tell me what you think.**

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_I was drunk again, causing accidents._

_Oh, you're not a friend,_

_You're nothing._

_I think I should be a little more confident._

_In myself,_

_In my skin._

_Take me, take me, home._

_Take me, take me, home._

_'Cause I don't stand a chance in these four walls._

_And he don't recognise me anymore._

_Burned out flames should never re-ignite._

_But I thought you might..._

_Take me, take me, home._

_Take me, take me, home._

_Home by Daughter_

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**Chapter Two- Home**

_June 24th, 2007_

was sitting on the couch next to a very drunk Bowie, taking sips of my beer. I kept glancing over at Happy and Kozik.

Happy shot me dark looks in between making out with some fake blonde sweetbutt who was sitting in his lap.

Kozik was drinking his beer, catching my gaze every now and then. After awhile he grabbed one of the girls and headed back to his room.

"Don't worry darlin'" Bowie slurred, "They both love you, their just angry that's all"

"Why do you have to make so much sense when you're drunk?" I asked Bowie, causing him to chuckle

I put my beer on the table and got up, catching Happy's eye before walking out of the clubhouse. I was fishing through my bag for my keys when I heard the crunch of boots on gravel. I turned around to see Lee standing there.

"You running away again" he said as more of a statement than a question

"I don't belong here anymore" I told him, unlocking my car and opening the door

"Bullshit" he said, pushing the door closed, "This is your home, you've always belonged here and you always will"

"They can't even look at me" I said, "They hate me"

"They love you, they hate what you did, there's a difference" he said, "I get why you left. You know, I never wanted this for you, never wanted you to be an Old Lady. But you love them, you did then and you do now"

I looked at him, frowning as I let what he said sink in. He was right. Damn, why did these men have to make so much sense.

"If I stay then I have to choose" I said, "And when I do it'll rip the club up"

"No, it won't" he said, a confident tone in his voice, "Not if you choose who I think you will. They'll work it out. Stay, you're too drunk to drive anyway"

Lee smiled at me before walking back inside. I hoped that he was right. I didn't want to be responsible for breaking up the club. I locked the car and decided to buck up and face my problems.

I walked into the clubhouse to see that everyone had gone back to their bedrooms or were starting to pass out on the floor. I saw Kozik sitting at the bar, I walked over and sat down beside him.

"Hey" I said, he nodded at me in response, "I'm sorry that I just turned up, I'm sorry that I left. God, I'm just...sorry about everything"

"It's okay" he said, putting an arm around my shoulders, I could smell the alcohol on his breath and knew that he was drunk, "I'm just glad you're back"

"So am I" I said, smiling at him, "Looks like I'll be crashing here, I'm too drunk to drive"

"Come on" he said, getting up and pulling me towards the dorms, "You can crash in my room"

Normally I would have protested but at that point I was too drunk and miserable to care. Kozik led me to his room and sat down on his bed, his hands were rubbing my hands, slipping under my shirt.

"Koz, we shouldn't" I said, but I made no move to get away from him

Kozik stood up, placing his hands on the side of my face, pulling me into a kiss. I didn't fight it, didn't even try to.

That night wasn't like the others. It was meaningless. We were both drunk and lonely. Looking for some comfort. We were hurting.

Afterwards we didn't cuddle. I turned on my side facing away from him, letting the tears fall from my eyes. He ran his hand down my bare back, sighing before getting up.

"I love you" he said pressing a kiss to my hair, pushing a strand of it back, "Stay here, I'll go find somewhere else to crash"

"No" I said sitting up, he finished putting his pants on and looked up at me, "I have to go anyway. Don't know where I'll be staying but I'll find a place"

"You can sort that out in the morning" he said, pulling in his t-shirt and cut, "For now you can sleep, and we can forget about this"

"I...I" I started but I couldn't even try to say that he was wrong, I did want to forget all about this and blame it on the alcohol

"We can both forget about this" he said, putting his shoes on and walking to the door, "Happy doesn't have to know" he said, his eyes downcast before walking out the door

I quickly pulled on my underwear and put on one of Koz's shirts before laying back down on the bed. I hated myself for hurting Kozik. I hated myself for hurting everyone over and over again.

I didn't sleep well that night. Partly because I was troubled by the consequences of my actions; and partly because I couldn't get over how much the pillow smelled like Kozik. It made the ache in my heart grow. I had missed him while I was away; and while I wasn't still in love with him that didn't mean that I didn't miss what we had. I hadn't had a relationship like that since him, maybe that was why I had jumped into bed with him, I was just looking for comfort from something that was familiar.

_June 25th, 2007_

I got up early the next day, put on my clothes and walked out, hoping that no one would see me.

"Walk of Shame" said Lorca, one of the few Sons that wasn't hungover

I frowned at him, about to answer when Koz beat me to it, "Nah, she was too drunk so I let her stay in my room"

"Ever the gentleman" said Lee, clapping him on the shoulder

"When I am ever not?" He said, a false confidence in his voice

I have him a small smile when I walked past, letting him know that I was grateful for him lying for me. I was opening my car door when a tattooed arm reached around me and closed it.

"You slept with him, didn't you" Happy said, pining me to the car

"It's really none of your business" I said, trying to push him away but he wouldn't budge

"Yes it is" he growled

"And why's that?" I asked, looking him dead in the eye, "Because last night you couldn't bear to speak to me"

Happy moves his hand up to my throat, he didn't squeeze but his hand was firm in an extremely threatening way.

"You have no say over what I do" I said, I knew that Happy would never hurt me, but judging by the look on his face he was furious, "You're not my Old Man, I don't belong to you"

"Is Kozik your Old Man again?" He asked, a hint of jealousy in his voice

"No" I said, "Last night didn't mean anything, we aren't together, we won't get back together"

Happy seemed to be pleased by my answer because he let go of me, pressing a kiss to my forehead before turning and walking back to the clubhouse.

"Men" said Lana, walking up to me, "So confusing sometimes"

"Trust me, I know" I said, watching Happy as he walked away

"He wants you" she said, "There's no Koz this time, maybe you can give it a shot"

"Happy couldn't have an Old Lady" I told her, opening the car door, "We both know that"

"Where are you staying?" She asked

"I'll find a hotel" I said shrugging, I tried to get in the car but she grabbed my arm

"Go home" she said, "I assume you still know where the spare key is"

I nodded and she smiled before turning around and walking back inside. My return to Tacoma had definitely been eventful.

* * *

_'I let it go. It's like swimming against the current. It exhausts you. After a while, whoever you are, you just have to let go, and the river brings you home.' Joanne Harris_


	3. Chapter 3- Secrets

_I need another story_

_Something to get off my chest_

_My life gets kinda boring_

_Need something that I can confess_

_'Til all my sleeves are stained red_

_From all the truth that I've said_

_Come by it honestly I swear_

_Thought you saw me wink, no_

_I've been on the brink, so_

_Tell me what you want to hear_

_Something that will light those ears_

_Sick of all the insincere_

_So I'm gonna give all my secrets away_

_Secrets by One Republic_

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**Chapter Three- Secrets**

_July 4th, 2007_

I had been more than a week since I had arrived in Tacoma and I hadn't been back to the clubhouse since that night. I had most recently been helping out with Fourth of July celebrations with Lana.

I had spent all of yesterday and today slaving away in the kitchen with Lana getting all of food ready.

It was midday when all of the guys started arriving. Danny was the first to arrive; we exchanged pleasantries but didn't speak much, it was still too awkward between us. Kozik had arrived with Bowie, giving me a curt nod while both Bowie and Ava enveloped me in a big hug. Happy and Lorca came last, Happy gave me a nod, which I guess was better than him just completely ignoring me.

I walked over to the table, about to sit down next to Lana when a rough hand grabbed my arm and shoved me into a seat further down. I looked over to see Happy, he slung his arm over the back of my chair, all without even sparing me a glance.

Kozik was seething, he gave Happy a death glare but said nothing. I gave him a small smile to let him know I was okay.

Everyone else pretended not to have seen anything and sat down at the table. But I could feel their eyes on me. Lee didn't even try to hide the fact he was watching me. I nodded to him and smiled, leaning back against Happy's arm so that he'd know that it was okay, as angry as I was with Happy but I didn't want Lee beating him up over this.

The lunch was good, and not just the food but the company. I really felt like I was coming home after being away for a long time, well really I was. Nothing much had changed since I left, everything seemed to be the same. It's like Tacoma stayed on pause while I went out and grew up; it even felt like Happy and Koz both waited for me.

After food all of the women cleaned up while the men sat and watched television while drinking beers. When I finished cleaning up I walked into the lounge room; I intended on sitting next to Ava but Happy pulled me down onto the couch next to him.

I wasn't sure what any of this meant but I wasn't going to embarrass Happy in front of his brothers so I went along with it. But I would definitely have something to say as soon as we were alone.

All eyes were on us once again, they all stole quick glances in hopes that Happy wouldn't catch them staring. He tightened his grip on me, his fingers running over the skin on my bare arms, sending shivers up my body.

"You like that?" He whispered in my ear, quiet enough that nobody could hear him

I just gave him a disapproving look before turning back to Ava and focusing on the conversation we'd previously been having before I was interrupted.

"How long will you be here?" Asked Ava

I opened my mouth to answer but Lana interrupted me, "She's got a job at some hotshot school in San Diego, you start in September, right?"

I simply nodded before glaring daggers at Lana. I hadn't told anyone that and she knew it. Happy's grip on me tightened further, so much so that it hurt.

"Hap, you're hurting me" I whispered to him

Happy just shot me a look that told me to 'shut up' before getting up and storming outside. I quickly followed after him, calling out his name.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, his voice so menacing that it would scare any normal person

"When was I supposed to tell you?" I said, "When you had your hand around my throat or when you refused to speak to me"

"Were you gonna tell me?" He asked, walking closer to me, "Or were you just going to leave like a bitch again?"

"I don't have to tell you shit" I said, I was getting angry and I soon wouldn't be able to filter what I was saying, "I'm not your Old Lady"

"I saved your life once" he said, pushing me up against the wall in a very similar way he had done a week ago, "Could have left you to die, should I have, cause you ain't caused me nothing but trouble"

"You were the one that chased me" I said, I hated the fact that he was telling the truth, and so I decided to spit some truth back at him, "You went after a pregnant Old Lady"

"And you ain't an Old Lady or pregnant now" he said, his hands moving down to my waist, "So why are you still fighting me about this?"

"Because I don't know what this is" I said honestly, "What am I? Because I know you wouldn't go after me this much if I was just a quick fuck"

Happy paused, staring into my eyes and I stared back. It was like a Mexican stand-off, one of us had to make a move, but which one.

Happy was the first to move, cupping my face and pulling me into a rough kiss. His tongue exploring my mouth while his hands rubbed circles into my back. His lips moved down to my neck, one of his hands moving to my thigh, making it's way up my dress.

"Oh my God" said a high pitch voice

I looked over to see Ava standing there, a both shocked and scared look on her face. I wondered why she was scared but then I looked to Happy and saw the dark expression on his face.

"Lana wanted me to come and get you" she said, her voice shaking, "I'm sorry, I...I didn't know"

"It's okay" I said, pushing Happy off of me and walked over to her, "Don't tell anyone about this" I whispered to her

She nodded, looking over at Happy who was still standing there, looking like he was about ready to pound the shit out of someone.

We walked back inside when we heard shouting coming from out the front. I ran outside to find Happy yelling at Michael.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, trying to get him away from here as fast as possible

"It's Natasha" he said, his voice laced with worry, "I can't find her, has she called you"

"My phone's been off, I'll check" I told him, "We'll find her"

"Thank you" he said, putting his hand on my arm like he used to

"Don't touch her" yelled Happy, coming closer, "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm her husband"

* * *

_'I thought about how there are two types of secrets: the kind you want to keep in, and the kind you don't dare to let out.' Ally Carter_

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**Bit of a cliffhanger, next chapter we'll see Happy's reaction to the news of Valerie's marriage.**


	4. Chapter 4- All This Time

_All this time  
We were waiting for each other  
All this time  
I was waiting for you_

_We got all these words  
Can't waste them on another  
So I'm straight in a straight line_

_Running back to you_

_I don't know what day it is  
I had to check the paper  
I don't know the city  
But it isn't home_

_But you say I'm lucky  
To love something that loves me  
But I'm torn as I could be  
Wherever I roam, hear me say_

_All This Time by One Republic_

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**Chapter Three- All This Time**

_July 4th, 2007_

"What do you mean husband?" Happy growled, pushing past me and walking towards Michael

I was surprised by Michael's reaction, most men would cower under the deadly glare Happy was sending him but Michael stood his ground, looking Happy in the eye, telling him that he was not afraid.

"He means ex-husband" I said, trying to diffuse the situation before someone got hurt, and by someone I meant Michael, "Happy, he just wants to find his daughter, I can help him" I said, putting my hand on Happy's arm

Happy looked over at me, his eyes softening, he sent Michael a glare before stepping back. I knew that he was still angry but I couldn't deal with him right now.

"I'll call her, see where she is" I said, I pulled out my phone to see four missed calls from her, I quickly dialed her number and waited for her to pick up

"Valerie" came her desperate voice through the phone, "Please, I need you to come and get me"

"Okay, where are you?" I asked

"I'm at a bus stop, it's near a shopping centre" she replied

"Okay, I'll come and get you" I said before hanging up, "I know where she is, I'll go get her now"

"I'll come" said Michael

"No" I said, "She ran away, seeing you might spook her, I'll get her, trust me"

"Okay" he said, nodding, "I guess I'll just stay here"

"You can come back to the clubhouse with us" Lana offered and he nodded

I started walking to the car when I felt a hand on my arm. Happy pulled me towards him, leaning in to whisper in my ear.

"We'll talk when you get back"

Then he let go, walking towards his bike. I caught Michael's worried gaze, but shrugged it off and continued to my car.

It didn't take long for me to get to the bus stop, Natasha ran into my arms as soon as she saw me.

"I was so scared" she mumbled to me, "Thank you for coming"

"Of course" I said, guiding her to the car, "Come on"

"Where are we going?" She asked after we had both gotten in the car

"To the garage my family owns" I said, "So, why did you run away?"

"I found out what dad did" she said, "Why didn't you tell me he cheated on you? That's why you're getting divorced, isn't it?"

"It's a little more complicated" I said, frowning at her, wondering how she had found out, "Who told you?"

"His receptionist came to the house looking for him, asked if you were there, seemed ecstatic that you had left. Doesn't take a genius to figure it out" she said, "And what do you mean it's complicated? He cheated on you, that's like...a sin"

"Our marriage wasn't going so great" I said, "And I know that's no excuse, but I'm not completely innocent in all of this"

"Don't tell me you cheated first" she said, crossing her arms over her chest

"No, I never cheated on him" I said, sighing, "But I didn't love him, I love someone else"

"Who?"

I looked over at her, trying to decide what to say. To tell the truth I really didn't know what to say. I knew that while we were together I wasn't over Kozik or Happy. But I didn't know which one I loved more.

"It doesn't matter" I said, pulling into the garage, "What's done is done"

"It matters to me" she mutters before getting out of the car

"Natasha" said Michael, rushing over to her, "I was so worried about you"

"Yeah, whatever" she said, brushing him off

I looked over to where all of the guys stood, my eyes locking with Happy's. He got up and walked inside, I took a deep breath before following him into the clubhouse and to his room.

"Haven't been in here for awhile" I said, trying to ease the tension

To say that you could cut the tension with a knife would be an understatement. You would need a chainsaw to cut the tension.

"Why did you lie to me?" He asked, moving so that I was trapped between him and the wall, "Why are you keeping secrets?"

"Maybe because I knew you'd react like this" I said, moving my head so that I was looking into his eyes, "But you care more about the fact that I was with someone else then me lying to you"

I knew that I had hit the nail on the head by his reaction. He curled his fingers up into a fist, and for a spilt second I thought that he would hit me; and now I'm sure that had been anyone else he would have. You don't disrespect Happy like that.

"You are mine" he growled into my ear, pushing up against me in such a way that I couldn't help but pull him closer, "You belong to me, ain't no man ever going to touch you again"

All I could do was nod, I wasn't able to speak, I couldn't even process something to say let alone open my mouth and say it. All I could focus on was the feel of Happy's hand on my hips, and the fact that he was leaning in towards me.

His lips were soon on mine and I could do nothing but return the rough kiss. My hands moving to wrap around his neck. His hands moved under my shirt, skimming over my stomach causing me to pull away.

Kozik had been smart enough not to touch me there. Not to run his hands over my empty womb that may never be filled again. I knew that Koz had thought about it, thought about the child we had lost.

"Don't touch me there" I told him, causing him to raise his eyebrow

It was a make or break moment. He could either show his dominance and in turn push me further away. Or he could shock me and be understanding in turn pulling me closer to him.

Before he could make a decision there was a knock on the door, a voice called out to let him know there was Church.

"We'll finish this later" he whispered in my ear before moving away from me and walking out the door

I sunk to the ground, unsure about what I should do. On one hand I wanted to jump into Happy's arms, tell him how much I loved him and agree to be his Old Lady. But on the other hand I was still mad at him and wanted nothing to do with him.

After all, I didn't want to be an Old Lady, wasn't that the reason that I left in the first place. I didn't want to get stuck here. But I did love Happy.

And I knew that if I admitted that to him then I would stay. I would give up my job in San Diego so that I could stay here with him.

I could see it now; we would buy a small house, his cut draped over the seat while I cooked him breakfast, holding one of our kids in my arms.

I couldn't lie, a part of me wanted that life with Happy. But the other part of me kept replaying what Maria had said. _'Your man will either end up dead or in jail'_. Deep down I knew that she was right.

But I also knew that I had tried to be with someone else, a civilian, and it didn't work at all.

I had grown up in this life, I couldn't walk away from it. And I definitely couldn't be with a normal guy, no straight laced man would want his children around my family.

I decided that I would test the waters with Happy before making my decision.

I got up, fixed up my clothes and walked outside with my head held high. I sat down next to Ava who was fidgeting with her top and Lana who was strumming her nails on the table.

"What's wrong?" I asked

"Something's going down" said Lana, "Lee wouldn't tell me what but it's been brewing for at least a week, it's just hit boiling point"

Just as she finished her sentence the doors opened and the guys all filled out, Lee went straight to Lana and Bowie went to Ava.

Kozik gave me a curt nod before walking outside with Lorca and the prospects whose name I couldn't remember. I looked over to see Happy sauntering over to me. He put his arm around my shoulders and guided me out into the lot.

"We've got some business out of town" he said, stopping in front of his bike, "Don't know how long I'll be gone"

I just nodded, moving closer to him, "Okay" I said, trying and failing to hide the fear in my voice

"Will you miss me?" he said, smirking as he gave my ass a squeeze

I gave a squeal, not expecting it, causing his smirk to widen into a wicked grin. He moved his lips to my neck.

"Answer the question" he demanded, his breath hot against my skin

"I'll miss you so much that I'll just fall apart without you" I said sarcastically

"Bitch" he muttered before pulling me into a kiss

The kiss was too short for my liking but I knew that he had to go.

"There will be more of that when I come back" he told me before getting on his bike

I started walking back to where the women were standing, stopping next to Kozik's bike.

"Stay safe" I said, putting my hand on his shoulder

"I will" he said, smiling sadly at me, "I'll bring your man back, promise"

"Thank you" I said before walking away

"Are you Happy's Old Lady now?" Lana asked when I reached her

"I don't know" I said shrugging, "I guess we'll figure that out when he comes back"

"So you're staying?" She asked

"For now" I said

I watched as they rode out of the lot, praying that they would all return safe and unhurt. Because I don't know what I'd do if one of them got hurt.

* * *

_'People like to say love is unconditional, but it's not, and even if it was unconditional, it's still never free. There's always an expectation attached. They always want something in return. Like they want you to be happy or whatever and that makes you automatically responsible for their happiness because they won't be happy unless you are ... I just don't want that responsibility.' Katja Millay_


	5. Chapter 5- Diet Mountain Dew

Baby put on heart shaped sunglasses

Cause we gonna take a ride

I'm not gonna listen to what the past says

I've been waiting up all night

Take another drag turn me to ashes

Ready for another lie?

Says he's gonna teach me just what fast is

Say it's gonna be alright

Maybe I like this roller coaster

Maybe it keeps me high

Maybe the speed it brings me closer

I could sparkle up your eye

Diet mountain dew, baby, New York City

Can we get it now low, down and gritty

Do you think we'll be in love forever?

Do you think we'll be in love?

You're no good for me

Baby you're no good for me

You're no good for me

But baby I want you, I want you

Diet Mountain Dew by Lana Del Rey

* * *

**Chapter Five- Diet Mountain Dew**

_July 8th, 2007_

Four days, they had been gone for four whole days. Not one phone call, text message, smoke signal; there was nothing to let us know that they were okay. We were just left to fret, pull out our hair from worry, sit around and wait for our men to return.

I found myself missing Happy more than I thought I would. I had spent three years away from him and yet it had only been four days and I was craving his touch. I wanted to feel his skin against mine, his lips pressed to mine own, I wanted to have him in every sense of the word.

"You can head back home if you want" Lana said, coming over and sitting down on the couch next to me

"I want to stay here" I said, "I want to be here when they get back"

"You'll make a good Old Lady" she said, winking at me

"You did raise me" I said, letting out a somewhat forced laugh

It was like everyone had chosen to ignore the fact that I used to be Kozik's Old Lady. That I had been through all of this before. That I had been with him first.

But I didn't forget. I still loved Kozik, and I always would no matter what. No matter where I was or who I was with. It was a fact that I knew would cause upset to many people, namely Happy.

"Yes I did, did a damn good job if I do say so myself" she said, causing me to laugh, "What? You've been to college and now you've got a good job. Speakinf of which, what are you going to do about that?"

"School doesn't start until the end of August so I have almost two months" I told her, "But I want the job, I guess I'll just see what happens"

"Have you slept with Happy yet?" She asked

"No" I said indignantly

"Why not?" She asked

"I'm not a sweet butt" I said, "He can wait. Besides, if I sleep with him then that cements things, I want to be sure of where I stand before I climb into bed with him"

"Come on" she said, getting up, "We have to go and get beers for when the guys come back"

I groaned but got up anyway, I wanted to stay and wait but I knew that I had to get out of here or else I would go insane.

"Stay here and call us if the guys come back" Lana ordered Ava

Even though Ava had been an Old Lady longer than me I still felt a sense of superiority to her; but I suppose that she had to earn her place and Lana's trust while I didn't. I got an easy ride in.

During the drive I just stared out the window, different scenarios running through my head. Some of them good, everyone coming back safe. Some of them not so good, Happy or Kozik or Lee dying.

I was too busy dreaming up possibilities that I didn't even notice that we had turned into the driveway.

"Why are we here?" I asked, "I thought we were getting beers"

"I lied" she said, getting out of the car, "You needed to get out of there"

I opened my mouth to answer but before I could I heard the screeching of tires. I turned around to see a van pulling up in front of the house, men armed with guns getting out.

"Get in the van" one of them said, aiming his gun at me while another grabbed my arms and pulled me towards the van

"No" yelled Lana, trying to get to me but one of the men delivered a swift blow to her face that stopped her

I was forced into the van, duck tape stuck into my mouth while I frantically looked around the vehicle at my captors.

"You Valerie Anderson?" The man that had grabbed me asked, I just stared at him, giving him a kick to the shins

He reacted fast, his hand flying out to hit my face. My cheek was stinging and I'm sure he'd left a handprint.

"Answer the question, bitch" he demanded

I nodded, trying to stop the tears welling up in my eyes. Another man reached over and pulled off my duck tape.

"Why did you take me?" I asked as soon as the duck tape was gone

"We're sending a message" said the one that slapped me

"To whom" I asked, "And what does this message entail?"

"Smart bitch" he said, grabbing my chin roughly, "We ain't going to kill you. But we will if you don't get the hell out of Tacoma. We'll kill you, and your Old Man, and everyone you care about"

"Why?"

"Our boss took over your Uncle's business" he said, "We're telling everyone that we're not to be messed with. Not by the Sons of Anarchy or anyone still loyal to your Uncle"

"Do whatever you want to me" I said, "Just don't hurt anyone else"

"I'm sure your selflessness will be taken into account" he said, a wicked grin on his face that sent shivers done my spine, "But I won't be making that call"

* * *

I wasn't sure where I was, it looked like some sort of warehouse. I was shoved out of the van and led inside, pushed down into a chair.

"It's lovely to meet you" said a man, walking up to me

He looked to be in about his late thirties, early forties, with short brown that had a few strands of grey, his beady brown eyes boring into mine.

"Who are you?" I asked

The man gestured for the others to leave, they looked reluctant but did as they were told, obedient soldiers.

"My name is Antonio, and I am sure that Diego already told you that I have taken over your Uncle's business since his unfortunate death"

"So why am I here?" I asked, "What kind mod message are you sending?"

"As his daughter you are a threat" he said, causing my eyebrows to raise in shock, "Yes, I know that he is your father, he told me himself. And he also told me to protect you"

"And this is your way of protecting me?"

"Yes, if the Sons think you are in danger they'll get you to leave, Jonathan asked me to keep you away from them" he said, "I only just got word of your return, I had hoped that you wouldn't come back. But I see that you are like your mother, just can't stay away from men that will do you no good"

"What do you know about my mother?"

"I know that the President was in love with her, I know that she lied about the identity of your father" he said, "And I know that Jonathan wanted to protect you from her legacy, he didn't want you to be like her"

"How so?" I asked, "What makes us so similar?"

"It matters not what makes you similar but what makes you different" he said, "Get out now, before you get tied down, leave and don't come back to Tacoma. Or I will have to kill you"

"What's going to happen now?" I asked

"I smack you around a bit then Diego drops you off at the hospital" he said, rolling up his sleeves, "Just remember Valerie, this is for your own good"

"Oh, I'm sure it is" I scoffed

"Get out now, before they take away your life" he said, "Like they took away the life of your child"

"How did you-" I started but was cut off by his hand colliding with my face

Antonio got in a few good hits before ordering his men to take me to the hospital. I don't remember much after that. It's all a bit of a blur.

I vaguely remember arriving at the hospital and being taken inside but then it all went black, there was nothing after that. Just darkness.

* * *

_'There is no intensity of love or feeling that does not involve the risk of crippling hurt. It is a duty to take this risk, to love and feel without defense or reserve.' William S Borroughs_


	6. Chapter 6- Yayo

_I like the snake on your tattoo_

_I like the ivy and the ink blue_

_Yayo_

_Yeah, you_

_Yayo_

_You have to take me right now_

_From this dark trailer park life now_

_Yayo_

_How now_

_Yayo_

_Put me onto your black motorcycle_

_Fifties baby doll dress for my "I do"_

_It'll only take two hours to Nevada_

_I wear your sparkle, you call me your mama_

_Yayo by Lana Del Rey_

* * *

**Chapter Six- Yayo**

_July 8th, 2007_

I woke up to the sound of machines beeping, my eyes opening to find myself in a hospital room, Lana sitting next to me and what looked like a doctor at the foot of my bed.

"How long was I out?" I asked, sitting up

"Not long" said Lana

"Thankfully you were not seriously injured" she said, "A black eye and split lip is all, no broken bones"

I just nodded silently, not saying anything. I knew that I would have to talk to the police but right now all I could think about was if Happy was safe.

"There's no concussion so you will be discharged now" she said before walking out the door

"Are they safe?" I asked Lana as soon as the doctor was out of earshot

"I got a call while you were out" she said, "They're fine, they're on their way back"

"Do they know we're here?" I asked, if Happy knew what happened then he would be on a warpath, I had to be the one to tell him

"Lee knows, but we both agreed that you should tell him" she said, "Let's get you discharged so we can go and see our boys"

"I want to go home and shower" I told her, "I must look like a mess"

"You were kidnapped, you shouldn't look like a model right now" she said, helping me up, "Besides, Happy won't care that you look terrible, he'll be too busy wanting to kill the guys that did this to you"

I gave her a weak smile as she led me out of the hospital but I was turning to jelly from nerves. I knew that there was no way around it, I had to leave Tacoma.

After I was discharged Lana helped me into her car before driving to the garage. When we turned in I saw all of the bikes parked and the guys standing outside waiting for us.

I really wanted to run and hide at this point but I couldn't. I had to tell Happy what had happened. And there was no way Lana was letting me get out of this one. I got out of the car and Happy came thundering over, his face alight with anger. Lee had obviously told him that something had happened.

"What happened?" He asked, grabbing my chin as gently as he could, inspecting my face to see what damage had occurred

I looked over his shoulder to see all of the guys walking closer, wanting to hear what had happened. They all looked angry and I knew that this could set not only Happy but all of them off on a warpath.

"We went back to the house" said Lana, coming up behind me, "A van stopped out the front, guys got out with guns and grabbed her. I tried to stop them but they hit me"

"What did they do to you?" Asked Lee, stepping forward

Happy let go of me and stepped back, this was now club business and Happy knew his place. Right now Lee wasn't my godfather, he was the President.

"They hit me a few times" I finally said, taking a deep breath before continuing, "Told me that if I didn't leave Tacoma that they would kill the people I care about"

I looked over to Happy to see that he was fuming, his hands were balled up into fists and I could tell that he was just itching to kill something, or someone.

"Did you see there faces?" He asked and I shook my head, "Stay at the clubhouse until we find out more"

I nodded my head, I could see the confliction on Lee's face. He wanted to keep me safe but he wanted me to stay in Tacoma, and right now those to wants were conflicting with each other. And no matter what anyone said or did I was leaving. This wasn't my life at risk, it was the people I cared about. And I would give up everything to protect those I love.

Lee nodded to Happy who pulled me into the clubhouse, leading me back to his room.

"Sleep" he ordered before leaving the room

I did as I was told, changing into one of Happy's t-shirts before climbing into his bed and pulling the sheets over me. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep, comforted by the smell of Happy, trying to forget about the fact that I had to leave.

* * *

I awoke to the sound of someone opening the door, I opened my eyes to see Happy leaning against the door, a bottle of whiskey in his hands as he watched me. I looked over to see that it was 9 o'clock, I had been asleep for two hours.

Happy walked over and sat down next to me, I took the alcohol from him and gulped it down, trying to seek some relief. I often looked for escape in the form of booze and maybe someone to share the bed with die the night. And while this offered some relief, it was sporadic.

And when the relief was over, when I was sober, everything I had tried to forget came rushing back in, hitting me like a tidal wave.

"I have to leave" I said, handing the bottle back

"I know" he said, drinking the rest of the whiskey before chucking the bottle in the bin, "There's something I want to do first" he said reaching over to grab his bag, pulling out a tattoo gun and ink

"A tattoo?" I asked, "You're going to tattoo me"

"Men need to know who you belong to" he said

He was putting just any tattoo on me, he was marking me as his, branding me. This was to let any man that touched me know that I belonged to someone.

I wanted to refuse him, to tell him that I didn't want this but I would be lying, and I had already lied enough today. But if I let him do this then that meant that I was officially his. But I had been his for awhile, I just hadn't admitted it until now.

Happy led me over to the table, I pulled off my top and waited for further instruction. He pulled over a chair and sat down, pushing me onto my side before pressing the needle against my skin.

"Is Happy your real name?" I asked, the question had plagued me since I met him but I didn't know why I chose this time to ask him

"Yes" he said, "Don't ask why. Last person that did lost two front teeth after I punched him"

"There's always a reason behind a name" I said laughing, "Yours is pretty self explanatory"

"What's the reason behind your name?" He asked, grinning at me

"Valerie means brave" I told him, "My middle name is Alayne after my grandmother which mean beautiful. My mother used to call me her brave beauty"

Happy just nodded, returning his focus back to his work. It didn't feel like it took a long time for him to finish, but I looked up to see that it had been over an hour.

"Can I see it?" I asked but he shook his head, putting cream on it and wrapping it up

"After you've left" he said

I reached for his shirt but he stopped me, instead running his hands up my bare thighs.

"There's something else I wanted to do" he said before pulling me into a kiss

Having sex with Happy was different to anything else I had ever experienced, he was rough but in a way that left you wanting more. He wasn't like Koz and Michael, he wasn't gentle or loving. Happy showed me he cared in a very different way.

Afterwards a part of me expected him to kick me out like I knew he did the sweet butts, but he didn't. Instead he held me to him, my head resting on his chest as I traced the tattoos I had only briefly seen before.

Neither of us spoke for awhile, just laid there. Both knowing that I would be leaving and that there was nothing either of us could do about it.

* * *

_'I have learned that if you must leave a place that you have lived in and loved and where all your yesteryears are buried deep, leave it any way except a slow way, leave it the fastest way you can. Never turn back and never believe that an hour you remember is a better hour because it is dead. Passed years seem safe ones, vanquished ones, while the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance.'_

_Beryl Markham_


	7. Chapter 7- Youth

_Shadows settle on the place, that you left._

_Our minds are troubled by the emptiness._

_Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time._

_From the perfect start to the finish line._

_And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones._

_'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs._

_Setting fire to our insides for fun_

_Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong_

_The lovers that went wrong._

_We are the reckless,_

_We are the wild youth_

_Chasing visions of our futures_

_One day we'll reveal the truth_

_That one will die before he gets there._

_Youth by Daughter_

* * *

**Chapter Seven- Youth**

_July 9th, 2007_

We didn't leave our room until late the next morning. We just made love over and over until we collapsed from the exhaustion, sleeping with our limbs intertwined.

I was awoken by the sudden urge to vomit and a pounding head, the downside of drinking, the hangover the next day.

"Want something to eat?" He asked, standing in the bathroom doorway, shirtless with his jeans hanging low on his hips

"Yeah" I said, washing my mouth and hands, "Remind me to never drink again"

Happy chuckled, grabbing his shirt before walking out of the room. I started dressing, looking at my thighs to see bruises starting to form. Every inch of me was sore, but it was definitely worth it.

I was tempted to pull away the covering and look at my tattoo but I knew that if Happy found out he would kill me.

So instead I dressed and walked out, trying to avoid the curious and sympathetic glances thrown my way. I didn't want their sympathy, and if they didn't know what was going on already then I definitely didn't want them knowing now.

I sat down next to Lana, waiting for the guys to come out of Church. I was no doubt the topic of discussion.

"You see that girl over there" Lana said, pointing over to where a bleach blonde sweet butt stood, "She's been pushing up on your man, thought you might want to send a message that Happy's not up for grabs even if you aren't here"

Now, normally I'm not violent and I don't get angry easily; but the thought of that bitch pushing up on what's mine sent me insane with anger. I knew that Happy loved me, but I knew how things worked, he would be with other women while I was away. But Lana was right, I needed to show the sweet butts that they couldn't get anything more than a fuck from Happy, he was mine.

The sweet butt saw me looking and shot me a malicious smile, before getting off of the stool and walking outside, with me hot on her tail.

"Shame that you have to leave" she said, "Leaving Happy free like that"

"Let's get one thing straight, bitch" I said, moving so that I was face to face with her, "I'm Happy's Old Lady, and nothing any of you whores do will change that"

"I find that hard to believe" she said, smirking like she thought she had the upper hand, "He never could keep his hands off of me"

I grabbed her by her top and shoved her into the brick wall, perhaps a little bit too hard but at that time I didn't care.

"Happy's mine" I growled, "And your nothing but a whore to be used and then thrown away"

I let go of her and turned to walk away, I felt her hand grab onto my arm but I reacted to fast for her to do anything. My fist slamming into her face, I heard a crack which I assumed was her nose since there was now blood pouring out of it.

"Learn your place" I spat

She looked up at me astounded but said nothing, just nodded before walking back into the clubhouse. I followed her inside, a smug look on my face, sitting back down next to Lana.

"You don't mess with Old Ladies" she said, taking a sip of her drink

"And she just learnt that lesson" I said, having some of my own drink

The doors opened and we turned around to see all of the guys walk out of Church. My eyes locked with Happy's, he nodddd at me before following Lee out of the clubhouse.

"What happened to her?" Asked Kozik, coming to stand behind us

"Stupid whore ran into a brick wall" I told him, earning a smirk from Lana

"Atta girl" he said laughing, pressing a kiss to my head before walking away

Lana raised an eyebrow but I just shook my head, "Nothing there" I said shrugging

"Better not be" she said, "You're Hap's now, Kozik and Danny both need to respect that and stay away from you, or there'll be hell to pay"

I watched as Lana got up and walked over to Lee who had just come back from whatever he was doing. I wondered if Lana knew about my mother and her husband. I could see how much Lee loved her, and she was everything an Old Lady needed to be. She was a tough bitch who was loyal to her man. My mother wasn't any of those things.

Happy nodded towards the door before walking out, I took a deep breath before following him outside. He was sitting on one of the benches, a cigarette in hand and a scowl on his face. I walked over and sat down next to him.

"I'm going to San Diego" I told him, "My friend Sam lives there, I'll stay with her until I can get my own place"

Happy didn't say anything, just stared down at the ground. He put out his cigarette, finally looking up at me.

"I'll miss you" I said, knowing that I wouldn't get any affectionate words from him

"Then stay"

I looked up at him and I could see the life I could have if I stayed. I would be Happy's Old Lady, we could get married and have children, we could be happy together.

And then I saw what would happen if I stayed. Innocent people would die. Lucinda, Sarah, Michael, Natasha. The image of their dead lifeless bodies replayed in my head over and over again.

"I can't" I said, "If I stay people die. I have to go"

"I'm coming with you" he said, "Take you there and then we can deal with how this will work"

And with that he got up and walked back inside, leaving me to mull over his words. He wanted to be with me, even though I would be two states away. We would work, I would make sure of it. We had been through too much just to give up now. It would be hard but I wasn't giving him up, no matter what.

"Valerie" said someone

I looked up to see Kozik walking towards me, I got up and met him halfway.

"You're really leaving for good" he said

"Yeah, I have to go" I said, not meeting his eyes

"How's Hap with that?" He asked, crossing his arms

It was then that I finally looked up at him. His expression was hard, as were his eyes, giving away no emotion. He was protecting himself, from me, from getting hurt. I hadn't realised before how much I really had hurt him. And he had just suffered in silence. All because he loved me enough to let me go.

"He's...dealing with it" I said and he nodded, he was about to turn away when I grabbed onto his arm, "I never got the chance to thank you"

"For what?"

"For everything" I said, "You were there for me when I needed you, and when I needed to leave you let me, you lied for me, protected me. I'm thanking you because you always put me first, you deserve much better than me"

"You do that when you love somebody" he said, "Promise me, that if Hap ever hurts you, you'll leave"

I knew what he meant, he didn't mean emotion hurt, he meant physical hurt. I knew what Happy did for the club. I knew what he was capable of. But I also knew that he would never hurt me.

"I promise"

Kozik smiled at me, pressing a kiss to my head before walking back inside. It wasn't a goodbye, but it was as close as we would get to one.

"We need to go get your stuff" said Lana

I nodded at her and got up. I didn't want to leave, but I had no choice. And I couldn't help but feel that I had my choice taken away from me far too many times alreadI in my life.

* * *

_'I fell in love with him. But I don't just stay with him by default as if there's no one else available to me. I stay with him because I choose to, every day that I wake up, every day that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me.'_

_Veronica Roth_


	8. Chapter 8- Somewhere Only We Know

**IMPORTANT****: From now on I will be writing in third person, I think this will allow me to show how other characters are feeling. If I'm doing a bad job please tell me.**

* * *

I walked across an empty land

I knew the pathway like the back of my hand

I felt the earth beneath my feet

Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone?

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go

Somewhere only we know?

Somewhere Only We Know by Keane

* * *

**Chapter Eight- Somewhere Only We Know**

_July 9th, 2007_

Valerie was sitting on Happy's bed in his room; she had packed her car with all her things and everything was ready to go. She was just waiting to work up the courage to leave. When she'd left the last time she was angry, hurt and scared. This time she wasn't. She knew what she had to do, she just had to do it.

Valerie took a deep breath before getting up and walking into the clubhouse for what would be the last time. She knew that she wasn't coming back this time, and so did everyone else.

The sweet butts and the hang arounds had left, Valerie had a feeling that Lana had something to do with it, but she was glad that they weren't there.

"Come on" said Lana, pulling Valerie against her as they walked out into the lot, "You ready for this?"

"No" she answered honestly, "But I have to go, I'll be okay"

"You keep being the girl I raised you to be. Don't let anyone push you around" she said, pulling Valerie into a hug, "And don't give up on Hap. He loves you, stay strong and you'll do fine"

"Thank you" Valerie said, tears forming in her eyes, "I love you"

"Love you too" she said before moving so that Valerie could say goodbye to the others

"Won't be the same around here" said Bowie, lifting Valerie up into a hug causing her to squeal

"I'll miss you" she said, moving to hug Lorca next

"Look after yourself" he told her, "Stay safe, don't take anyone's shit"

"I promise"

Valerie was almost in tears by the time she reached Kozik. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest.

"I'll miss you" she let out through her tears, "I love you, I always will"

"We'll meet again" he said, running his hand through her hair, "You know I'll always be there for you, love you too much to walk away"

When Valerie pulled out of the hug and looked up at Kozik's face, and in that moment a part of her was screaming at her to kiss him, the part of her that loved him.

"Goodbye Valerie" he said, pressing a kiss to her head before walking away

Valerie turned to see Lee standing there, hands in his pockets and a forlorn look on his face.

"You sure you want this?" He asked

"I don't want this" she said, shrugging her shoulders, "But I am making a choice, and if that choice saves lives than yes, I am sure of what I'm doing"

"I ain't never doubted you" he said, pulling her into a hug, "I trust that you know what you're doing, just try not to pull Hap apart"

"I wouldn't" she started saying but he interrupted her

"I know that you love him, and that you would anything for him" he said, "Don't turn into your mother, don't tear men apart for sport, stay the way you are. This world has ruined you enough already"

Valerie didn't ask what he meant, she didn't need to. She knew what her mother had been like; and despite loving her Lee knew it to. Valerie could see it now, Lee was in love with the girl he had met as a teenager, not the woman who had died in a car crash.

She simply nodded and smiled at him, Lee had always been there for her, had always protected her. Now it was her turn to protect him and his club.

"You'll always be like a dad to me" she said, "You know that right"

"And you'll always be like a daughter to me and Lana" he said, "Anytime you need anything, call and I'll be there"

"I will" she said nodding

Lee walked over to his wife, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling the weeping woman into his arms. Danny was standing next to them, he nodded in her direction and she waved back.

Kozik had just said goodbye to Valerie when he spotted Happy, he decided that he would talk to him, he had to protect Valerie.

"Hap" he said walking so that he was standing in front of him

"Koz" said Happy, nodding at him. They had been friends before everything with Valerie, and had worked most of their shit out since she left

"You love her?" Koz asked

Happy just looked over towards where Valerie was standing, taking a drag of his cigarette. He really hadn't thought about it, he knew that he wanted her, he knew that he wouldn't let anything or anyone take her away from him, he knew that he'd die for her. But did he love her.

"Stupid question" he said, putting out his cigarette

Kozik raised his eyebrow but said nothing else on the matter. Of course Happy loved her, he risked his patch for her, you didn't do that for just some gash.

"Look after her" he told him, "Keep her safe, and no matter what, keep her out of Tacoma. She deserves better than this shit"

Kozik didn't wait for Happy to reply, he just turned around and walked off towards where the other guys stood. Happy locked eyes with Lee, both nodding at each other. It was time.

"Let's go" he said, walking up behind Valerie

Valerie nodded, sparing one last look to her family. She would miss them, but this was her chance for a life away from the club.

* * *

They'd been driving for a few hours when Happy pulled into a motel, Valerie following him. She waited in the car while he booked a room, strumming her fingers on the dashboard.

"C'mon kid" he said, opening the door, "Spend the night here and then keep goin' tomorrow"

Valerie just nodded, grabbing some clothes and toiletries before following him into the room. She sat down on the bed, her mind going back to the last time they had been in a motel room together.

They'd almost slept together than, and Valerie was glad that they didn't. Things with Kozik weren't finished then, they were now, at least as much as they would be.

"C'mere" Happy rasped, pulling her over towards him

Happy lifted her t-shirt up and over her head, throwing it onto the ground, his hands running over her skin, sending shivers up her spine.

"You can see it now" he said, hand hovering over the tattoo

Valerie got up and walked into the bathroom, peeling off the wrapping to take a look at Happy's handiwork.

It was Happy's name in black cursive writing, a red rose of each side with petals at the bottom of the name.

The roses made Valerie remember a conversation her and Happy had had over three years ago.

_3 years ago_

_"Why you always got roses in here?" Happy asked her_

_"Red roses were my mothers favourite, my dad always used to give them to her" she told him, "After my mother died he dug up all of the roses in the backyard"_

Present Day

Happy had remembered what she told him, it was a passing comment that she thought he would forget but apparently not. Though, she should have learnt by now, Happy never forgot anything.

"What'd you think" he asked, coming up behind her

"It's beautiful" she said

Valerie was glad she waited to see it, she loved the tattoo and what it represented. She was officially Happy's Old Lady.

* * *

_'She didn't belong anywhere and she never really belonged to anyone. And everyone else belonged somewhere and to someone. People thought she was too wonderful. But she only wanted to belong to someone. People always thought she was too wonderful to belong to them or that something too wonderful would hurt too much to lose. And that's why she liked him- because he just thought she was crazy.'_

_C Joybell C_

* * *

**Bit of a filler chapter but things will pick up, drama and surprises in the coming chapters. Please review if you want me to update faster.**


	9. Chapter 9- Blue Jeans

Blue jeans, white shirt

Walked into the room you know you made my eyes burn

It was like, James Dean, for sure

You're so fresh to death and sick as ca-cancer

You were sorta punk rock, I grew up on hip hop

But you fit me better than my favourite sweater, and I know

That love is mean, and love hurts

But I still remember that day we met in December, oh baby!

I will love you 'til the end of time

I would wait a million years

Promise you'll remember that you're mine

Baby can you see through the tears

Love you more

Than those bitches before

Say you'll remember, oh baby, say you'll remember, oh baby ooh

I will love you 'til the end of time

Big dreams, gangster

Said you had to leave to start your life over

I was like, "No please, stay here,

We don't need no money we can make it all work,"

But he headed out on Sunday, said he'd come on Monday

I stayed up waitin', anticipatin', and pacin'

But he was chasing paper

"Caught up in the game" ‒ that was the last I heard

Blue Jeans by Lana Del Rey

* * *

**Chapter Nine- Blue Jeans**

_July 10th, 2007_

They had spent the night at the motel, and it had been a night to remember. If Valerie wasn't already agonising over the thought of being away from him then she definitely was now.

She was sore everywhere and covered in bruises, but it had all been worth it, she'd take the pain if it meant having Happy. And now that she'd had him she never wanted to give him up.

Valerie was glad that Happy was riding, it gave her a chance to really think about what she was doing. She knew that she wouldn't be coming back to Tacoma. And she knew that would make things hard for her and Happy.

"Why couldn't things be simple?" She said out loud, glad that no one could hear her talking to herself

But Valerie knew that things wouldn't be simple even if she did stay in Tacoma, not with all that shit with Koz still hanging over their heads. They needed a fresh start. And maybe this could be it.

The drive was long and for the most part boring, but she tried to shrug it off as she pulled into Sam's driveway. Sam was waiting out the front with a man Valerie recognised as her husband Ben.

Sam looked almost the same as she had the last time Valerie had seen her, same chestnut brown hair and eyes to match, tanned skin, her normally slim figure was rounded slightly from being pregnant with her second child.

Sam rushed towards Valerie as soon as she got out of the car, pulling her into a bone crushing hug. Ben was more subtle, simply nodding towards her. He looked somewhat older, a little bit of stubble on his chin, colour matching his dark black hair, his hazel eyes shooting over to Happy.

"I'm guessing that's Happy" said Sam

While they hadn't seen each other they had still kept in contact, phone calls and such. So Sam basically knew the whole story, which made what Valerie was doing a whole lot easier.

"That's him" Valerie said

Sam and Ben both walked back inside, giving them a chance to say goodbye, because neither of them knew when they'd see each other next.

"Stay safe, kid" he said, "Don't get into trouble"

"Trouble's my middle name" she replied, walking closer to him

"Anyone causes you trouble you tell me" he said, putting his hands on her shoulders, "Don't try to sort shit out yourself, you call, understand"

Valerie nodded, wrapping he arms around his waist and leaning her head on his chest. Happy couldn't help but be reminded about how she'd done the same thing earlier that day, except they'd been minus a few articles of clothing.

"You'll come back?" She asked

Happy looked down at the girl in his arms, his girl. But she wasn't a girl, she was a woman. She wasn't a kid anymore. She was a tough bitch who didn't let people see her insecurities.

But here she was clinging to him like a child. She was letting him see through the facade, and he wanted to do the same. He wanted to be there, to profess his love for her. Strap her to the back of his bike and take her back to Tacoma, but he knew she'd hate him for it, and he couldn't let her hate him.

"Won't be regular" he told her, "I'll come and go, you ready for that"

"It'll work" she said confidently, "I'll wait"

In that moment Happy had an epiphany of sorts. He realised how much this girl must have loved him. She was willing to wait for him for God knows how long. For the first time Happy saw not only love in her eyes, but devotion, adoration. It was look he swore she would give no other.

Happy pulled her into a kiss, it was possessive, he was trying to show her that she was his. It was a kiss to keep her satisfied for however long he would be gone. The kiss was cut too short for both of them, but he had to get back and she had to get settled in.

"Stay here" she said, an almost a begging tone to her voice, "You shouldn't be driving all the way at night time"

"Sure they'll be okay with that?" He asked, nodding towards the house

"I don't care" she said, taking his hand and pulling him inside, "Hap's going to stay here the night, leave in the morning, is that okay?"

Valerie purposefully asked Sam while Happy was in the room, she'd feel pressured to say yes. But instead Sam offered Valerie a sympathetic look and simply nodded.

"Second door, down the hall" said Sam, "Ben will get your bags out of the car"

Valerie smiled at her before pulling Happy towards the bedroom, as soon as they were inside his lips were on his, both their hands trailing over the others body. They wasted no time and were soon naked on the bed.

* * *

Happy sat up, his eyes travelling over the body of the girl naked and asleep beside him. It was early in the morning and Happy knew that Valerie would be up soon, and he wanted to be gone before then. He didn't do goodbyes, but every time he looked at her he found it harder and harder to walk away.

He'd found it hard to walk away when she was eighteen, pregnant and off limits. And now she was twenty-one, his Old Lady, and now that he'd had her he wasn't going to let any other man so much as lay their eyes on her.

She was his, and the tattoo on her side confirmed that.

Happy ran his hands over his work, he'd been selfish putting his name on her, he knew that. He'd claimed her as his, even though he knew that she would be leaving. Happy wouldn't stay faithful, he would mess around with the sweet butts. Not in Tacoma though. Valerie had Lee and Kozik, hell the whole club on her side. And if she ever came back then he didn't want that shit hanging over their heads.

But for now he had to walk away. He knew it was cowardly, but if she gave him one look from those big blue eyes then he would give in and stay, or worse, he'd break his word and take her back to Tacoma.

Happy say there for a few more minutes before finally working up enough courage to get dressed, pressing a kiss to Valerie's hear before walking out the bedroom door.

He had almost made it to the door when he heard a voice calling out his name.

"I didn't take you for a coward" said Sam, Happy scared her shitless, but she was concerned about her friend, so she would put her fear away in order to protect Valerie, "She loves you, you know that"

"I know"

"If you asked her she'd do anything" she told him, "If you asked her to go back to Tacoma she'd do it, she'd hate it but she'd do it for you"

"That's why I'm leaving" he said, "Look after her, she'll need it"

"Being away from you will kill her" she said, "It will tear her apart"

"Why are telling me this?" He asked

"To encourage you to come back" she said, "Don't leave her hanging"

"I won't" he said before walking out the door

Sam returned to bed, trying to ignore the sound of the bike speeding away and what it would mean for her friend.

* * *

Valerie woke up, reaching her hand expecting to find Happy on the other side of the bed but instead she felt nothing but cold sheets. She shot up, holding the sheet to her chest as her eyes scanned the room.

Happy was gone. Happy left. Didn't even say goodbye.

These thoughts flew around her head, she kne why he'd done it, it was easier for both of them. But that didn't mean that it hurt any less.

Sam opened the door and came and sat down next to her, reaching out and pulling her into her arms.

"You're going to be okay" said Sam

But Valerie knew she wasn't. She was far from okay, and she wasn't getting better any time soon.

"I need a drink"

* * *

_'_I don't understand how I can know so little about love and how it works. How I can be so bad at it when it's all I've ever wanted. All I've ever known is about leaving or being left.'

Carrie Ryan


	10. Chapter 10- Without You

Hello? Hello?

C-can you hear me?

I can be your China doll

If you like to see me fall.

Boy, you're so dope,

Your love is deadly.

Tell me life is beautiful,

They all think I have it all.

I'm nothing without you.

Without You by Lana Del Rey

* * *

**Chapter Ten- Without You**

_July 23rd, 2007_

Valerie had not taken the separation well, not at all.

Most nights she'd drink herself into a drunken stupor, having to be carried back to her room by Ben. Even though she went out she never brought anyone back, and eventually she stopped going out, preferring to drink in the comfort of her room.

Sam had tried to help her but Valerie wouldn't have it, she was convinced that she didn't have a problem, that she was okay.

It was one of those nights, were the nightmares became too much for her to handle so she drunk until she collapsed into a deep sleep. She was sitting alone in her room, a bottle of whiskey in her hand as she stared out the window.

Valerie wondered if Happy had reacted in much the same way as she had. Or had he forgotten about her as soon as she was gone, buried himself in sweet butts to keep himself satisfied.

Guys had made passes at her but she shot them all down, preferring to come home alone and hit the bottle even harder. Valerie was lonely, but she didn't want any of those inexperienced boys at the bar who would grope at her, she wanted Happy and no one else. No one could compare to him. And no one would have to.

"Need anything?" Asked Sam, coming into the room

"More alcohol" said Valerie, even though she knew that Sam wouldn't bring her any

"Valerie, you need help, this isn't healthy" said Sam

"I'm fine" she assured her, though she herself doubted that statement

"You're tearing yourself apart over some guy" said Sam

"Happy isn't just 'some guy', and I said I'm fine" said Valerie, slumping down to lean against the bed

"If this is fine then I don't want to see bad" said Sam before closing the door

Sam did that most nights, tried to convince Valerie to talk to someone, convince her that she needed help.

Valerie knew that she wasn't fine, knew that she was far from okay. She was just far too stubborn to ever accept help from someone else. And she hated talking about things.

Michael had suggested counseling after he'd found out what she'd been through, but she refused. She wasn't going to talk to someone about her feelings when she was far too confused by them, she didn't know what she was feeling.

Valerie didn't want to end up like her father, being consumed by his own grief and loneliness. She didn't want to die before she actually did. But she'd relied on alcohol to soothe her ever since she'd first left Tacoma, she was having a hard time trying to change that.

She soon fell into what she wanted to be a dreamless sleep but it wasn't.

_Valerie was standing in the middle of a clearing, a soft wind was blowing and the sky was blue and cloudless. She looked to see Happy standing on the side, leaning up against the tree. And as much as she tried to go to him something kept her rooted on the spot, unable to move._

_She looked over to see Kozik standing on the opposite side, and again she was unable to move. She just flicked her eyes between them, unsure of which on she should be going to._

_"Your choice" said a voice she recognized as Antonio's, "Choose which one to save"_

_"No" she whispered, "Please don't hurt them"_

_"Make the decision" he said, "Who do you love more?"_

_Valerie looked to Kozik before turning her head towards Happy and nodding, she had chosen._

_"No" she screamed as Antonio put a gun to Kozik's head, "Please...don't...no"_

_She let out a scream as a shot rang through the clearing, looking over to see Koz's dead and lifeless body._

Valerie was shaken awake, looking up to see Sam standing over her, a worried expression on her face.

"Are you okay?" asked Sam, "You were screaming"

"I'm fine" she said, sitting up but avoiding Sam's eyes, "Just a nightmare"

"You are not okay" said Sam, "You were screaming bloody murder, woke up Sophie"

"I'm okay" Valerie assured her, "I just need a drink"

"No" Sam said firmly, "Where's your phone?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm calling Happy" said Sam while she rummaged through Valerie's bag, "You need to go back to Tacoma"

"No" she yelled, jumping out of the bed, "If I go back then innocent people will get hurt"

"Then you need to pick yourself up, get out of this hole you've dug yourself into" said Sam, "Because if you don't clean up your act, you can't stay here"

Sam gave her one last pitiful look before walking out the door, leaving Valerie alone with her thoughts, a scary thing indeed.

Valerie soon found herself falling back asleep, plagued by images of Kozik's dead body, knowing that it was her fault. Tears flowed down her cheeks, crying until she could cry no more. She hated being here, and wanted nothing more than to go home, but that wasn't an option.

* * *

Valerie was awoken by her stomach, running to the bathroom and vomiting the contents of her stomach into the toilet. The downside of getting drunk, the hangover.

She kept vomiting until she thought that she was finished, she hadn't been eating much so there wasn't a lot in her stomach to throw up anyway. Her leg's were wobbly as she got up, using the shower door to help her stand.

Suddenly Valerie's head started spinning before everything went black, the last thing she remembered was the sound of shattering glass and the feel of the cold tiles against hey cheek.

* * *

Sam and Ben had heard the shatter of glass and rushed into the bathroom, finding Valerie laying unconscious, half in the shower with broken pieces of glass all around her.

"Call 911" Sam told Ben, moving to cradle Valerie's head, "Oh Valerie, what have you done?"

"An ambulance is on it's way" said Ben, sitting down next to his wife to asses the damage, "Her pulse is weak but it's there, only one of the cuts look deep enough for stitches. Was she drinking?"

"Last night she was" she told him, "Will she be okay?"

"If she gets to the hospital in time" he said

The ambulance arrived soon after, the paramedics loading an unconscious Valerie into the back, Sam climbing in after her. The hospital was close so it didn't take long to get there.

"Where are you taking her?" Sam asked as they took her away

"The doctor's are checking her out" said one of the nurses, "Stay in the waiting room, I'll call you when you can see her"

Sam sat down in one of the chairs, her head in her hands, waiting for word on her friends condition.

* * *

Valerie woke up in a hospital bed for the second time this month, blinking her eyes from the bright light.

"Oh thank God" said Sam, standing up and moving to Valerie's side, "Doctor" she called out

"Where am I?" She asked groggily

"You're in the hospital" said Sam

Before either could say anymore a doctor walked into the room, "How are you feeling?"

"Terrible" Valerie said, "What happened?"

"You fainted, fell into a glass shower door" said the doctor, "You were suffering from dehydration and exhaustion, you need to rest and eat"

"Is that all?" Sam asked, "She needs to sleep"

"Not yet, you had very high blood alcohol levels" he said, "Your blood test revealed another thing, you are pregnant"

"What?" Asked Valerie, sitting up

"Is the baby okay?" Asked Sam

"An ultrasound will reveal more, I'll organize it" he said before walking out of the room

"Valerie" said Sam, turning to her, "Who's the father?"

* * *

_'They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much as I'm missing you right now'_

_Edna St Vincent Millay_

* * *

**Please review, I would love for you to tell me who you think the father is, I want to see how many of you get it right.**


	11. Chapter 11- Smother

**I just wanted to thank everyone for their reviews, the feedback has been great and is muchly appreciated. I love to hear back from my readers, it's like food for my soul.**

* * *

I'm wasted, losing time

I'm a foolish, fragile spine

I want all that is not mine

I want him but we're not right

In the darkness I will meet my creators

And they will all agree, that I'm a suffocator

I should go now quietly

For my bones have found a place

to lie down and sleep

Where all my layers can become reeds

All my limbs can become trees

All my children can become me

What at mess I leave

To follow

Smother by Daughter

* * *

**Chapter Eleven- Smother**

_July 23rd, 2007_

_Happy or Kozik?_

Valerie had already made her decision but it seemed like fate might have other plans for her. She tried to stay calm as the doctor brought the ultrasound machine in, right now she was only thinking about her unborn child's safety, she could worry later about the child's paternity.

"There's your baby" said the nurse, pointing to a shape on the monitor, "It looks to be perfectly healthy"

"Oh thank God" said Sam

"How many weeks?" Valerie asked, not completely sure she wanted to know the answer

"You're about five weeks" she said before packing up the equipment

_Five weeks_. She'd only just come back to Tacoma five weeks ago, and she'd slept with Kozik the night she came back. They were both drunk and she supposed neither thought about using protection.

"Who's the father?" Asked Sam as soon as the nurse was out of earshot

"Kozik, I wasn't with Happy five weeks ago" said Valerie, pushing her hair back, "It doesn't matter anyway, I'm not going back to Tacoma so there's no point in telling Happy or Kozik"

"That'll be a bit hard" said Sam, looking down at the floor in guilt, "Because...I kinda called Happy while you were unconscious"

"What?" Asked Valerie, sitting up

"Happy's on his way here"

* * *

Happy was probably breaking every speed limit as he rode towards San Diego, towards Valerie.

He'd been selfish when he thought that he could just leave her, have no contact and think that she'd be fine. Because he wasn't. He'd been drowning himself in booze and sweet butts since she'd left. This event him a few disapproving looks, but they all seemed somewhat sympathetic, but he didn't need their sympathy. He needed his Old Lady.

And she needed him. Or else she wouldn't be in hospital. She wouldn't have gotten so drunk that she had ended up in hospital. The injuries weren't fatal, and for that he was glad. Happy didn't know what he'd do without her.

Happy stormed through the hospital, only stopping to get directions before continuing on. When he finally reached the room he stood in the door way, watching as Valerie reacted to his arrival.

Valerie's eyes widened, even though she knew he was coming she couldn't prepare herself for his arrival. She couldn't help but leather relief at seeing him shine through her eyes, but they also held something else, fear.

"You okay?" He asked, stepping into the room

"I'm fine" said Valerie, she was surprised that she was able to say anything, "Minor cuts and bruising, nothing a few days rest won't fix"

"You make sure she rests" Happy said to Sam

Sam nodded feebly before excusing herself, giving Valerie some privacy to break the news to him.

"What caused it?" He asked, moving so that he was standing next to her bed

"Dehydration, exhaustion" she said shrugging, "Drinking too much alcohol, not eating enough"

It was then that Happy took a good look at her, she was thinner than when he last saw her, her skin paler and there were bags under her eyes. She was definitely not taking care of herself.

"Why aren't you looking after yourself?" He asked

"You didn't call" she said shrugging, avoiding his gaze, "I drowned my sorrows in alcohol, didn't really care about looking after myself"

"You'll look after yourself from now on" he said, "Or else I'll kill you myself"

"I'll be looking after myself from now on" she said, letting out a stifled laugh, "Trust me"

"What do you mean?" He asked, frowning at her in confusion

"I'm pregnant" she told him, giving him a small smile, better to strike while the iron's hot, "Five weeks"

Valerie watched him, it was almost as if she could see him figuring it out, putting all the pieces of information together to form the truth.

"It's Kozik's, ain't it" he said as more of a statement then a question

"I'm so sorry" she said, she would get down on her knees and beg for his forgiveness, she just couldn't lose him, "Please don't be angry, I'll do whatever you want, I'll get rid of it"

_I'll get rid of it._

Happy let those words sink in, she was offering to abort her own child, she was willing to give up her second chance at motherhood all to make him happy. Sam's words rang through his head.

_'If you asked her she'd do anything'_

This just served to confirm that. The fate of not only her child but their relationship was now in his hands. Because she'd never forgive him if he told her to get rid of it, deep down she'd always hate him for it.

"No" he finally said, "Keep it"

"Don't tell him" she said, "It'll only make things harder, he won't want me in San Diego"

Happy sat down on the plastic chair, holding his head in his hands. It was probably a good thing the kid wasn't his, because if it was he would definitely be dragging her ass back to Tacoma. She was right, Koz couldn't know.

"I won't tell him" he agreed, "Just don't do anything stupid while I'm gone, when I come back I don't want to find a skeleton"

"You're coming back?" She asked

"Course I am" he said, "You think I'd leave you"

"I didn't think you'd want to have anything to do with me and the baby" she said, fiddling with her hands in her lap while she avoided his eyes

If he agreed to be with her then it wasn't just her anymore, it was her kid as well, his brother's kid. Could he visit once a month, play happy families and then go back and see the child's real father? Could he do that and not tell Koz?

But all it took was the look on Valerie's face to convince him, the cracks were starting to show, if he left her then she would break, and she'd never be fixed.

"I'll visit as much as I can" he said, getting up and walking to the door, "You take care of yourself while I'm gone"

"Hap" she said, causing him to turn and look at her, "Thank you"

Happy just nodded before walking out the door, stopping in front of where Sam and Ben were sitting.

"Look after her and the kid" he growled at her, "Or else you'll be answering to me"

Ben got up to defend his wife but Sam pulled him back down, she knew just by looking at Happy that he wasn't a man to mess with, or defy. So she just nodded her head, Happy seemed satisfied with her response her turned and stalked out of the hospital.

"What is that supposed to mean? Ben asked

"It means he's not leaving her" said Sam, "And we need to make sure she's okay, or he'll have both our heads"

* * *

**Please review and tell me what you think, I want to know your thoughts on the pregnancy.**

* * *

_'Parenthood...It's about guiding the next generation, and forgiving the last.'_

_Peter Krause_


	12. Chapter 12- One and Only

**Things will start going faster from now on, her pregnancy won't last as many chapters as it did in the previous story. There won't be too many more chapters.**

* * *

You've been on my mind

I grow fonder every day,

Lose myself in time

Just thinking of your face

God only knows

Why it's taken me so long

To let my doubts go

You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before

Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,

You never know if you never try

To forgive your past and simply be mine

If I've been on your mind

You hang on every word I say

Lose yourself in time at the mention of my name

Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close?

And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go

One and Only by Adele

* * *

**Chapter Twelve- One and Only**

_August 2nd, 2007_

It had been almost two weeks since Valerie found out she was pregnant and she hadn't even touched a bottle, but her health hadn't been getting any better. She'd been staying at the hospital for detoxation and had only just been released.

Sam and Ben had gotten rid of all of the alcohol in the house, trying to help Valerie to stop drinking.

Valerie was finding it hard to cope; the nausea, the vomiting, the headaches, the shaky hands. She kept having anxiety attacks and was finding it hard to sleep at night.

The only thing that stopped her from turning to the bottle for comfort was the thought of her unborn child; she'd lost her first child, she wasn't going to lose this one if she could help it.

She'd had gone to her first Alcoholic Anonymous meetings and was just arriving home, the doctors had recommended that she go so she did. All it took to convince her to go we the thought of her hurting her own child just because she was too stubborn to get help.

"Sobriety's taking its toll on you" said Sam, sitting down next to Valerie on the couch, "It'll get better, it'll all be worth it once you pop this kid out"

Valerie just nodded, watching as Ben played with his son. Joshua was two years old and looked exactly like his mother, he was a quiet child, just watched silently.

"I'm sorry...for putting so much pressure on you" said Valerie, "I was selfish, you've got your own family and you're spending all your time trying to help me with mine"

"You are family" said Sam, "And your baby"

"I'll get my own place soon" she said, "Once I'm past this, started my job"

"Stay here as long as you need" said Ben, "Anything you need help with, just ask"

Valerie smiled at him, grateful for their generosity. She thought that Ben was offering help because she was Sam's friend; she didn't now anything about Happy's threats, and neither Ben nor Sam were going to tell her.

* * *

_August 8th, 2007_

_"How are doin'?" _Happy asked through the phone

"Good" said Valerie, "Trying to find somewhere to live"

_"They looking after ya?"_

"Yeah, I just want to have my own place" she told him, smiling to herself at the worry in his voice, "Make it easier for when you visit"

_"I'm in Charming now, leaving tomorrow"_ he said, _"I'll visit you on the way. I gotta go"_

"See you then" she said before hanging up

Valerie missed Happy more than she'd ever missed anyone or anything, and she was a recovering alcoholic after all. It was like he was a drug to her, and her to him, neither could get enough of the other.

She not only had to get used to not drinking but not seeing Happy. He couldn't visit often and calls were rare, she knew she was putting a lot of trust in him but he had earned it. Not only had he saved her life but he had agreed to take on another man's child.

But the separation had already taken its toll on Valerie, hence the visit to hospital, but now she had to be strong for her child. And she would be strong. She would make sure that she wouldn't be like her father, she wouldn't abandon her child or hurt her child in any way. Her child would always come first, even before Happy.

_August 9th, 2007_

They were lying on her bed, Valerie staring up at Happy while he ran his fingers over her skin. She smiled at him, she had missed the feeling of his skin pressed flush against her, his lips on hers, him inside her.

Her body ached but she felt nothing but love; love towards the man lying next to her, the man that was now laying his hand against her stomach.

Valerie watched his face, trying to figure out what he was thinking. His face was hard, not showing any emotion.

"You gotta get your own place" he said, looking up at her with a smirk, "Cause I don't like fucking you with others in the house"

Valerie playfully hit him on the chest before he pulled her into a kiss, it was slow but passionate, like he was trying to convey all his feelings in this one kiss.

"I love you" she whispered against his lips

Happy didn't say anything, just kept kissing her, but Valerie wasn't hurt. She knew that he loved her, and she knew that he might never say it. But actions spoke louder than words.

* * *

_September 11th, 2007_

Valerie was now twelve weeks along and starting to show ever so slightly, the nausea had almost stopped which was good since she had started her new job.

She was working as an English teacher at a prestigious private high school, the pay was good so she had started renting a small house not far away from where Sam lived.

Valerie was standing in front of her mirror, her shirt raised as she looked at her stomach. She wondered what Happy would think about her growing belly, more proof that she was pregnant with someone else's child. She jumped when she heard the sound of the door opening. She grabbed the gun from the top drawer and slowly walked out into the hallway.

"You gonna shoot me, kid" said a familiar raspy voice

"Happy" she said, dropping the gun on the counter before running into his arms, "I've missed you"

"Only been a couple weeks" he said

"Over a month" she said, looking up at him, "Five weeks"

"You know I can't always be here" he said, cupping her face

"I don't expect you to be" she said, holding onto his cut, "I'm okay with this arrangement"

"Good" he said before pulling her into a kiss, "Because I ain't leaving"

Happy picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder before carrying her into the bedroom. He had laid her on the bed and was starting to undress when Valerie realised what time it was.

"Shit" she said sitting up, "I've got to get to work, I'll be late"

"Be late then" he said, leaning down to kiss her

"I can't" she said pulling away, "I'll be back around 4"

Happy groaned but let her get up, Valerie grabbed her jacket and keys before fixing up her clothes and hair.

"What I am supposed to do?" He asked

"Entertain yourself" she said, kissing him once more before walking out

Happy smirked as she left, that was his girl, no matter what she was his. Always had been.

It had been a long day and Valerie was organising work for tomorrow, about to finish up and leave when she heard the door opening.

"Hey" said a male voice

Valerie turned around to see Mark, her coworker, standing in the doorway. Mark was pretty good looking, tall and muscular with short brown hair and green eyes; but Valerie knew who she belonged to.

"Hey" she said, "I was just about to go"

"Yeah" he said, walking up to her desk, "I was wondering if you wanted to go out for coffee, or something?"

Valerie looked up at him stunned, she hadn't realised that he was interested in her in any way let alone wanting to date her.

"I...I'm sorry" she said getting up, "I can't, I'm...pregnant"

This was the first time Valerie had actually ever told anyone, saying it out loud made it seem more real. She knew that she'd have to tell her family, unfortunately she couldn't tell them all.

"How far along?" He asked, a somewhat guilty look on his face

"Twelve weeks" she said, a smile appearing on her face without her even knowing that it had

"And the father?" He asked

Valerie frowned, wondering why Mark was asking about the baby's father. But she always had been suspicious of everyone, it was what she was taught growing up. She was taught to not trust outsiders, that you could only trust the club.

"Not in the picture right now" She said, it was the truth, Kozik wasn't in the picture, and Happy wasn't the actual father

"If you ever need to talk, I'm here" he said, smiling before walking out of the room

Valerie tried to shake it off, deciding that she should just go home and see her Old Man.

* * *

_'The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.'_

_Elie Wiesel_

* * *

**Short chapter but I don't want to drag out the pregnancy, please review and tell me what you think. Just hang in there, all will be revealed in due time. Thank you for all of your review, I love the support.**


	13. Chapter 13- Important Note

**Chapter Thirteen- Note**

I have put up a poll of what gender you want the baby to be, you can find it on my profile. Please vote, I'd love to hear what you think.


	14. Chapter 14- No Light, No Light

_You are the hole in my head_

_You are the space in my bed_

_You are the silence in between_

_What I thought and what I said_

_You are the night-time fear_

_You are the morning when it's clear_

_When it's over your start_

_You're my head, you're my heart_

_No light, no light in your bright blue eyes_

_I never knew daylight could be so violent_

_A revelation in the light of day_

_You can choose what stays and what fades away  
_

_And I'd do anything to make you stay_

_No light, no light_

_Tell me what you want me to say_

_You want a revelation_

_You want to get it right_

_And it's a conversation_

_I just can't have tonight  
_

_No Light, No Light by Florence and the Machine_

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen- No Light, No Light**

_November 16th, 2007_

Valerie was sitting at home, watching television while she waited for Happy to arrive. He had called to say that he was coming, he hadn't been around in over a month and Valerie was missing him.

"Ouch" she whispered as the baby kicked her, "Why do you insist on hurting mummy?"

At the sound of the door opening Valerue shot up, perhaps a bit too fast because the baby gave her another good kick.

She walked into the hallway to see Happy conning through the door. She rushed to him as fast as she could, which wasn't that fast since she was six months pregnant, and flung her arms around him.

"Hey baby" he said, kissing her, "Missed me"

"Not at all" she said

Happy smirked at her, leading her into the bedroom, "Are you sure?" He asked pulling them down onto the bed

"Positive"

* * *

"The kid giving you trouble" Happy asked

They were laying in bed, Happy had his hand stretched out across her large stomach, feeling the baby kicking.

"He kicks hard" she said, "Nothing I can't handle"

"He?" Happy asked, raising his eyebrows

"It's a boy" she said, smiling up at him, "I found out last week"

Happy looked down at her stomach, his face hard as his eyes bore into her. He moved his hand away, like he was angry at something.

"Kozik asked about you" he said, sitting up, facing away from her with his head in his hands, "Asked how you were"

"What did you say?" She asked, a worried tone on her voice

Valerie knew that Happy would never tell Kozik, not as long as she wanted it to be kept a secret. Besides, if Kozik knew he would be there by now.

"I didn't tell him if that's what you mean" he growled at her, getting up from the bed and starting to dress, "I can't do this anymore, I'm lying to my brothers face"

"I'm sorry that I'm forcing you to lie to him" she said, "But we can't tell him, you promised me you wouldn't"

"I know" he muttered, pulling on his shirt and cut

Happy pressed a kiss to her hair, walking to the door, only stopping when he heard his name being called.

"When will you be back?" She asked

"Don't know" he said, not looking back at her

"Are you coming back?" She asked, scared about what the answer would be

"Yeah" he said, looking at her, "Don't know when, but I'll be back"

That was the last thing he said before walking out the door; no goodbye, not a proper one anyway. Just a promise of his return.

* * *

_November 22nd, 2007_

Despite Lana's pleas Valerie had chosen not to return to Tacoma for Thanksgiving, half out of fear of Antonio, the other half out of fear of Kozik finding out that she was carrying his child.

Valerie was six months pregnant, so there was no way of hiding the pregnancy, and all it would take is one slip up of how many weeks she was for people to start asking questions.

Questions that would lead to the truth, which would inevitably cause drama and hurt for everyone involved.

So Valerie decided that they should go and visit Maria, who still didn't know about the pregnancy. She wasn't sure if she should tell Maria, it technically wasn't her grandchild, but her son had agreed to raise it.

Valerie had left it this long to tell her for fear of her reaction. The last time they had talked Maria had told Valerie to get away from Happy and the club, and yet now she was a pregnant Old Lady once again.

Happy had rode down while Valerie followed him in her car, giving her time to prepare herself, build up enough courage to face Maria.

But it also allowed doubts to fill her head, allowed her to consider turning around and heading back to San Diego.

By the time they got to the house Valerie was a bundle of nerves, barely able to get out of the car let alone face her sort-of mother-in-law.

"It'll be fine" said Happy, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, "C'mon"

Valerie sighed but let him lead her up the steps, holding her breath as he knocked on the door.

"Happy, it's good to-" started Maria but she froze as soon as she saw Valerie, her eyes flicking down to her large stomach

"Can you let us in?" Happy asked, "It's cold out here"

Maria didn't say anything, just moved out of the way and continued to stare at them as they walked in.

"Are you going to explain?" She said, coming out of her shock

Valerie much preferred the shock, Maria looked like she was a volcano that was about to erupt. And they where at risk of getting burned.

"I...um" Valerie started but was lost for words, the situation was hard to explain, even harder when she was so scared she almost forgot to breathe

"Why would you two think it's okay to not tell me about my grandchild?" She asked, "Happy, she's at least six months, why haven't you told me. I raised you better than this"

Maria started rambling but was interrupted by Happy.

"It ain't my kid"

It was just that simple statement tha almost pushed Valerie over the edge. She knew what she was doing was wrong. That no matter how much she tried to convince herself that the child was Happy's, it never would be, Kozik would always be his father.

Maria didn't say anything for a few moments, just stared at them, her eyes flicking between them. What she finally said shocked them both.

"Well at least at get grandchildren" she said, "Happy, there's beer in the outside fridge, go and get it"

Happy looked shocked but did as he was told, squeezing Valerie's arm before walking outside.

"The father, is it the same guy as last time?" Asked Maria

Valerie didn't say anything, just gave a feeble nod. She feared that if she spoke that tears would start pouring and they wouldn't stop.

"Happy must really love you" said Maria, "He's never wanted children, definitely didn't expect him to have his own let alone raise a brother's. What does the father think?"

"The father doesn't know" Valerie said, a single traitor tear making its way down her cheek

"Oh...honey" said Maria, pulling her into a hug, "I feel for you, but no matter what the situation is, the guy should at least know he's becoming a dad, he's got the right"

Valerie didn't say anything, just cried as Maria hugged her. By the time Happy returned with his beer Valerie had gotten control of herself and was helping Maria with the food.

The rest of the night went off without a hitch, they talked and laughed and Valerie enjoyed herself.

Valerie was sad to leave but promised Maria that they would be back, she would definitely be meeting her grandchild.

* * *

_January 27th, 2008_

Valerie was sitting on the couch, Sam was over with Joshua and her newborn daughter, Mackenzie.

"How are you feeling?" Sam asked her, rocking Mackenzie in her arms

"Fat" she said, "I just can't wait to get this baby out"

"What's going to happen?" she asked, "After the baby's born?"

"What do you mean?" Valerie asked, frowning in confusion

"Do you think Happy will cope with having a kid?" She asked, raising an eyebrow

"He hasn't left yet" Valerie said, shrugging

The thought had plagued her, doubts seeping into her head. She'd played the scenarios out in her head so many times, on nights when Happy wasn't there and she was feeling particularly lonely. Happy would hate her and her child, he would leave and wouldn't come back. And Valerie knew that if he left it would destroy her, she wouldn't be broken in a way that couldn't be fixed.

"He loves you, I'm sure of it, and I'm sure he'll love your son" she said, "But can he step up and be a father"

Before Valerie could respond she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen, they had been going on all day but this was the worst.

"I think I'm going into labour" Valerie told Sam

"Come on, I'll get the bags, you wait in the car" said Sam, getting up and rushing to the newly finished nursery

Sam came back, one arm carrying the bag the other carrying Mackenzie. Valerie walked out to the car, Sam following close behind her.

"Call Happy" said Valerie as Sam started driving to the hospital

"I will"

* * *

_'With a secret like that, at some point the secret itself becomes irrelevant. The fact that you kept it does not.'_

_Sara Gruen_

* * *

**Do you think Kozik should find out and come with Happy? If so please tell me.**


	15. Chapter 15- The Birth

**Chapter Fifteen- The Birth**

_February 4th, 2008_

Valerie was lying in the hospital bed, in her gown waiting for her labour to continue so she could give birth. Right now she was only two centimeters dialeted, so she was very far away. Because she was early and given her previous stillbirth the doctors had decided to keep her in hospital instead of sending her home.

"I'm going to call Happy now" said Sam, getting up from the chair, "Okay?"

"Tell him to bring Kozik" said Valerie, not looking up from her fingers that were picking at the blanket

Sam didn't question her, just walked out of the room, opening Valerie's phone and dialing Happy's number. She didn't get long to think about what she was going to say because he answered on the first ring.

_"Hello" _said a rough voice

"Hey, Happy this is Sam" she said

_"What's wrong?"_ He asked, _"Is Valerie okay?"_

"It's about Valerie, she's in hospital" Sam told him, "The baby's coming"

_"Shit" _he muttered, _"I'm on my way"_

"She wants you to bring Kozik" said Sam

_"What?" _He asked, his voice confused and angry_, "Have they given her too many painkillers_?"

"No, she's had no drugs" said Sam, "This is a completely sober decision"

_"It won't be easy getting him to come" _he said,_ "You sure she wants this?"_

"I'll put you on if you want confirmation" Sam said

Before Happy could reply Sam had walked back into the room, handing the phone back to Valerie.

"Happy" Valerie said, her voice shaking

_"Hey, kid"_ he said, _"How's it going?"_

"Slowly" she said, laughing slightly, "They say it could be a few hours"

_"We're in Charming" _he said,_ "Be there in a couple hours. You sure you want me to bring Kozik"_

"Yes" she said confidently, "We should've told him before, just...please bring him"

_"Okay"_ he said, _"Be there soon"_

Before Valerie could reply he had hung up, she smiled to herself as she handed the phone to Sam, happy that she would soon have her baby.

* * *

Happy hung up the phone, looking over to where Kozik was standing. He shook his head, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do.

"Clay" he called out, walking up to the President, "I gotta head up to San Diego, it's my Old Lady, she's in hospital"

"Course man" Clay said, clapping him on the back, "Hope she's alright"

"Yeah" he said, "I gotta bring Koz with me though"

Clay frowned but nodded anyway, stepping away from Happy, "Give her my best wishes"

As soon as he was gone Happy walked over to where Kozik was standing with Lee and Lorca.

"I gotta head up to San Diego" he told them

"Valerie alright?" Lee asked

"She's okay" he said, "But Koz has to come with me"

"Why?" Asked Kozik

"Don't ask, just trust me" he said, "You wanna come with me"

Kozik narrowed his eyes but followed Happy towards the bikes, getting on and riding out of the lot.

* * *

_Two Hours Later_

"You're six centimeters dialeted" the doctor told her, "Would you like an epidural?"

"No" Valerie said

"Are you sure?" Sam asked her, her voice laced with worry

"I didn't have one before" said Valerie, "Don't need one now"

"Your blood pressure is very high" said the doctor, "Good thing we didn't give you the epidural"

"Why?" She asked, her eyes widening

"Because it looks like we're going to have to induce you"

"Oh...God" said Valerie, grabbing at Sam's arm, "Where's Happy?"

* * *

Happy had just arrived at the hospital, stopping the bike and getting off, trying to avoid Kozik's gaze.

"Why are we here?" He asked but Happy just ignored him

Happy walked up to the front desk, the woman looked up at him, her eyes widening at the sight of him.

"Valerie Anderson" he told her, "She's in labour"

Before either the woman or Kozik could say anything Happy heard his name being called out, he looked up to see Sam beckoning him over.

"Just in time" said Sam, "She's about to start pushing"

"Why're you out here?" Happy asked as they begun walking to the room

"She told me to wait for you" Sam replied, "I got the feeling that if I didn't come back with you she's probably kill me"

"What's going on?" Kozik asked, causing them both to turn around

"You're kid's about to be born so get your ass in there" said Sam, with an air of authority Happy didn't know she had

"What?" He asked, just as confused as before

"C'mon" said Happy, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him into the room

"Hap" said Valerie, her voice weak as sweet dripped from her skin, "God am I happy to see you"

"How're you going?" He asked, moving to stand next to her, taking ahold of her hand

"Almost ready to push this sucker out" she said, grinning at him before her smile fell as her eyes landed on Kozik, "Koz"

Kozik's face was pale as the situation finally hit him, he just stood at the foot of the bed, realizing why he had to be here. She was having a kid. Correction. She was having his kid.

"It's time to push" the doctor told her, "Ready?"

Valerie squeezed Happy's hand before looking over at Kozik, "Ready"

"Then lets get this baby out" said the doctor

Sam pushed Kozik toward Valerie, as soon as he was near her she reached out and grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze.

"Okay Valerie" said the doctor, "Give me one good push"

More pushes and much more screams later, a baby's cry could be heard. The nurses wrapped him up in a blue blanket before handing him over to Valerie.

"He's beautiful" Sam told her, smiling before walking out the door

"Good work, kid" said Happy, pressing a kiss to her head before following Sam out, leaving Kozik and Valerie alone with their child

Valerie stared down at the baby; he was small, his skin pale but reddish, he had a small amount of light blonde hair, she knew that most baby's eyes were blue but she had a feeling that his would stay blue.

"He really is beautiful" Kozik said, staring down at him in awe, "Just like his mama"

"He's perfect" she said, running her fingers over his cheek

* * *

Happy was standing out the front, leaning against the wall smoking a cigarette.

"You know this is a no smoking area" said Sam, coming to stand next to him

Happy smirked as he put out the cigarette, he was starting to like this Sam, he could see why Valerie was friends with her.

"Are you going to stay with her?"

"Why wouldn't I?" He asked

"Because the baby changes things" she told him, not that he didn't already know, "Kozik knowing about the baby changes things"

"She's my Old Lady" he said, getting up off of the wall, "I ain't leaving her, or the kid"

Happy didn't wait for her to reply, just walked back into the hospital, not looking back at her. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought about how different things were to become, now there'd be even more people trying to get Valerie to go back to Tacoma, but he knew that as long as her loved ones were in danger she would never step foot in Tacoma.

He didn't want to share her with Kozik, but it wasn't his decision. They had a kid together now, and that kid would always come first to Valerie. Happy just hoped that they could get through it.

* * *

_'Having a baby is painful in order to show how serious a thing life is.'_

_Lisa See_

* * *

**Any suggestions for baby names? Hope you liked the chapter, the baby is definitely Kozik's, sorry to you Happy fans. Don't worry, Happy and Valerie will get their chance. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas.**


	16. Chapter 16- Important Note

**Chapter Sixteen- Important Note**

**I have created a poll where you can choose to vote on the name of the baby.**


	17. Chapter 17- Hardest of Hearts

_Darling how, I loved you from the start_

_But you'll never know what a fool I've been_

_Darling how, I loved you from the start_

_But that's no excuse for the state I'm in_

_The hardest of hearts_

_The hardest of hearts_

_The hardest of hearts_

_There is love in our bodies and it holds us together_

_But pulls us apart when we're holding each other_

_We all want something to hold in the night_

_We don't care if it hurts or we're holding too tight_

_There is love in your body but you can't get it out_

_It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth_

_Sticks to your tongue and it shows on your face_

_That the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste_

_Hardest of Hearts by Florence and the Machine_

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen- **

_February 5th, 2008_

Lucas Dominic Kozik.

Valerie was released the next day but he had to stay in for another few days just to make sure he was healthy. Kozik had told everyone in Tacoma about him so they had all come up to visit.

Lana had given her a clear warning to _'never pull that shit again'_, Valerie just laughed, promising to never hide another pregnancy from them. Lee had given her a stern look but other than that everyone had just given her congratulations, smiling at her.

Lana and Ava had cooed over Lucas, fighting over who got to hold him, babbling away to him. Ava was beaming and Valerie could tell that she wanted a child of her own, and Bowie knew it to. Even though he was all smiles and laughs, there was something nervous about the looks he shot Ava whenever she was holding Lucas.

Happy had been different since she'd come home, colder, he barely even spoke to her. But that might have been because Kozik was staying on her couch. He wanted to be there when the baby came home; Valerie was nervous to have him around, she knew he would push her to go back to Tacoma.

Kozik wasn't like Happy.

Happy had never pushed her, had let her live her own life in Seattle, but now there was Lucas to think about. That changed things. And Valerie hoped that it wouldn't get in between her and Happy.

* * *

_February 18th, 2008_

"Careful, don't drop him"

"I won't"

Lucas had been allowed to come home the previous day, unfortunately everyone bar Lana and Kozik had returned to Tacoma. Valerie had wanted Happy to stay but apparently there was some urgent business to take care of. A part of her was relieved though, there was too much awkwardness with both Happy and Kozik around.

Valerie watched on as Kozik entertained Lucas, he really was good with him, she couldn't help but smile at them.

"Hard to believe you made such a cute kid" Lana joked with him, "Didn't think your ugly ass could"

Kozik just shot her a look, turning back to gaze down at his son. Lana just laughed at him, winking at Valerie before walking into the kitchen.

"Come on" said Valerie, gesturing for Koz to give her the baby, "Time for a nap"

Kozik looked almost heartbroken as she took the baby away, settling Lucas down before returning to the lounge room.

"I better get on my way" said Lana, her bags sitting by the door, "Time to go home"

"Do you have to go?" Asked Valerie, sounding slightly like a whiny child

"I wish I could stay here" she said, walking towards Valerie, "I'll miss you, and that baby"

"I'll miss you too" said Valerie as Lana pulled her into a hug

"Maybe it's time for you to come home" she whispered in her ear, pulling away from her and giving her a knowing smile, "At least you'll have Koz here for a few more days"

Valerie appreciated Kozik being there, even though sometimes he was a menace. She couldn't help but think how it was supposed to be like this the first time, and it almost had. If not for the cheating, the miscarriage and Happy. Valerie didn't deny the fact that it was Happy that had ended their relationship, she didn't need to, everyone already knew.

She couldn't help but think how it could have turned out had she not been the president's god daughter. If she was just some bitch she probably would've been thrown out, Happy might have been ex-communicated even. But she shook the thought from her mind. Things hadn't turned out like that.

"Call if you need anything" she said, picking up her bag, "I'll see you soon"

Lana winked at her before walking out, Valerie looked over to Kozik but he was oblivious to what had just happened. He could be really oblivious sometimes.

"Lana's right, you know" he told her

"About our kid being cute, or you being ugly?" Valerie joked, but she knew what he really meant. She hesitated, but came and sat down on the couch beside him

"'Bout you coming home" he said, "Ain't nothing here for you"

"I've got a job" she pointed out, "Friends"

"You got family in Tacoma" he said, "Lucas is my son, don't I get a say"

"I can't go back to Tacoma, I want to but I can't" she said, sighing as she got up, "And if you want to talk about custody you better get a lawyer"

Valerie took the empty beer bottle off of the coffee table and into the kitchen, throwing it out in the bin before bracing herself for the argument that was to come.

"I ain't having some judge tell me when I can see my kid" he said, following her into the kitchen, "And I ain't only seeing him once a month"

"Why can't you just leave it alone?" she yelled

"Because he's my kid" he said, coming closer to her but she wasn't scared, Kozik didn't scare her, "I have a right to see him"

"I want you to see him" she said, "That's why I had Happy bring you to the hospital"

"What was that about?" He asked, "Not telling me about him. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that it would be easier for the both of us if I just kept it a secret" she said, looking away from him in shame, "I didn't want to have this conversation. I can't go back to Tacoma, and that's final"

Kozik didn't just look angry, he was furious. He looked like he was about to reach out and wrap his hands around her throat. And she knew a part of him probably wanted to. But he didn't. Just stormed off, slamming the front door as he left.

* * *

_February 27th, 2008_

Kozik had stayed another few days like he'd promised, but he was cold, kept giving her dirty looks. Valerie wasn't sad to see him go, but she was sad that now it was just her and Lucas.

In truth, Valerie wanted nothing more than to see Happy again, just talking to him would be enough. But he hadn't visited her. Hadn't even called. She knew that something was wrong with him. She just hoped they could get past it. God knows, they'd fought to hard to be together.

* * *

_'_Jealousy is that pain which a man feels from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved by the person whom he entirely loves'

Joseph Addison

* * *

**Please review and tell me what you think, I know you probably all hate me, things will not be easy for Happy and Valerie. I edited the date for the last chapter, realized that it was wrong.**


	18. Chapter 18- Dickhead

**I'm sorry that it's been over a month since I last updated, don't worry, I have not given up on this story. I was away for the summer holidays and have just started school again so I don't know when I'll update next. Sorry for the short chapter, the next one will be longer, promise.**

* * *

_Why you bein' a dickhead for?  
Stop bein' a dickhead  
Why you bein' a dickhead for?  
You're just fuckin' up situations_

_Shiny floor, slippery feet  
Lights are dim, my eyes can't meet  
The reflection that turns my images  
Upside down so I can't see_

_Think you know everything  
You really don't know nothing  
I wish that you were more intelligent  
So you could see that what you're doin'  
Is so shitty to me_

_Thirty five people couldn't count  
On two hands the amount of times  
You made me stop, stop and think  
Why are you bein' such a dickhead for?_

_Will you stop, no don't show  
Just have a think before you  
Will you stop it, oh  
Will you just have a think before you_

_My brain and my bones  
Don't want to take this anymore  
No, my brain and my bones  
Don't want to take this anymore_

_Dickhead by Kate Nash_

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen- Dickhead**

_March 1st, 2008_

Happy was sitting at the bar, drinking his fourth beer for the night. He hadn't been back to San Diego and still hadn't called Valerie. He was too angry to call her, he wasn't specifically angry at her, he was just angry.

Kozik wasn't helping this anger bubbling inside of him. He had been bragging about Lucas ever since he'd come back. Happy didn't know why but it made the anger grow, to be honest, he was jealous of Kozik. Not that he'd ever say it.

"You okay?" Asked Lee, sitting down next to Happy

"Course I am" he answered, not looking at Lee

"You look like you're about to shoot Kozik" said Lee, "What did he do?"

"Nothing"

"It's because of Valerie, isn't it?" Lee said, Happy's silence giving him his answer, "She's still your Old Lady, that girl loves you, nothing will change that"

"I don't know what to do with the kid" Happy admitted

"Lucas already has a father, just be there for Valerie, you'll get the hang of it" said Lee, standing up and clapping Happy on the back, "Call her"

Happy watched Lee as he walked away, before his eyes flicked over to Kozik standing with Bowie. Lee was right, Happy knew it. It was just hard for him to get over his jealousy.

Happy sighed, standing up and walking outside. He leant against the wall as he pulled out his phone, dialling Valerie's number and waiting.

Valerie had just put Lucas to bed when she heard the phone ring, she didn't know how but she knew it was Happy. She just knew.

"Hello" she said

"Hey kid" said Happy, "How you doin'?"

"I'm good, Lucas is sleeping" she said, exhaustion clear in her voice

"How is he?" Happy asked, his voice slightly nervous

"Good, still won't sleep through the night but he's getting there" she said, Happy could almost hear the smile in her voice

"Kozik won't shut up about him" said Happy, trying not to sound jealous but Valerie knew him too well, she could hear the hint of jealousy in his voice

"He's just a proud father" she said, she didn't want to be happy about it by she couldn't help the smile that came onto her face, "I'm sure he'll stop after awhile"

"He better, I think Bowie's about to punch him just to shut him up" he said, laughing

"When are you coming?"

Happy froze when she asked that, he knew she would, and he knew he didn't have an answer.

"I don't know" he said, "Might not be for another few weeks"

"Just, come when you can" she said, sighing as she sat down at the table, "I guess I'll see you in a few weeks"

"Guess so" said Happy, he knew that she would start crying soon, and he hated it when she cried, especially when it was because of him

"Love you" said Valerie, her voice shaking as she held back the tears

"Love you too" he said before hanging up the phone

As soon as he was gone Valerie collapsed in a fit of years, letting them pour out of her eyes. She missed Happy with every bone in her body. And she didn't know how much longer she could do this.

After hanging up Happy walked back inside, grabbing a bottle of whiskey before walking back to his room. Trying to drown his sorrows and miss Valerie less.

* * *

_March 11th, 2008_

Happy hadn't called again. And Valerie was beggining to think that he never would.

She was losing him, and she couldn't help but feel like there was nothing she could do to keep him.

She had heard from Ava that Happy had been taking sweet butts back to his room, and when Valerie had asked Kozik his silence confirmed it.

And so Valerie decided that she would call him. She needed answers.

"Hello" said his familiar gruff voice

"Happy" she said, her voice almost trembling, "We need to talk"

"I know" he said, in an almost defeated tone

"Have you been...have you" she started but struggled to get the words out, "Have you been with any sweet butts?"

For a few moments there was silence on the other end, but Valerie could hear his breathing so she knew he was there.

"Yeah"

Valerie almost lost it at the answer, she wasn't angry, she was hurt. He knew how much Kozik's cheating hurt her. He knew that this would destroy her. But he didn't care.

"Don't call me, don't come to my house" she said, desperately trying to keep it together, "We're done"

Before he could say anything Valerue hung up the phone, she knew he wouldn't gush out an apology, Happy wasn't like that. He didn't apologize. Mostly because he never felt sorry for anything.

Valerie fell to the ground, letting out the tears she had been holding in. They weren't coming back from this. She couldn't forgive him. Not after this. They were over.

* * *

_'__Earthquakes just happen. Tornadoes just happen. Your tongue does not just happen to fall into some other girls mouth!'_

_Gemma Halliday_


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